Letting go of anxiety
One of the cornerstones of our approach to recovery is that sobriety is integrally related to emotional and spiritual well-being. It’s hard to be sober if you’re not in a good place emotionally and spiritually … and it’s hard to be in a good place emotionally and spiritually if you’re not sober.
With that in mind, let’s talk about one of the great enemies of emotional and spiritual well-being: anxiety. Many of us live with chronic anxiety … and much of our addiction and codependence is built on the foundation of stress and worry.
When we are living on the ragged edge – stressed-out and freaking out about deadlines and responsibilities – when we are feeling overwhelmed or afraid, we start to look for things to help us soothe ourselves. Many people who struggle with addictive sexual behaviors grew up with trauma or some kind of abandonment, and didn’t learn the skills of self-soothing. Instead of finding healthy ways of dealing with stress or anxiety, we learned to turn to something outside of themselves … things like food, alcohol, or sex.
Jesus encouraged his followers to not be anxious (Matthew 6:34), and Paul followed suit in Philippians 4:6. But of course, it’s one thing to know we shouldn’t be anxious … but it’s another thing to actually live that way.
I have found two things that have helped me face my anxieties:
1. Let go of the things I can’t control
Very little of what we fear actually happens, which means that most of our fears cause us to worry unnecessarily.
I love the saying. “If you can’t do anything about it, why worry? And if you can do something about it, why worry?” This has helped me deal with many struggles in the past years of recovery.
So many of the things I worry about are things I can’t do anything to change anyway. So why not just let go of the worry, and deal with problems if – and only if – they come up? I think it was Mark Twain who said: “I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, most of which never happened.”
2. Take action on things I can control
On the other hand, if there are things I can do about a given situation, nothing will help ease the anxiety I have more effectively than taking action. It’s hard to worry when you’re taking action about something.
This is not to suggest that we take action for action’s sake, or that we charge forward without thinking or planning ahead. The point is, if there are steps (or courses of action) we can take to deal with a situation that is causing us worry, stop worrying and do them! If you can’t do anything about it, why worry? And if you can do something about it, why worry?
