by Steven Gledhill for FREEdom from MEdom Project
“Why are you crying? Who are you looking for?”
The Adventure
Imagine that you are walking through a jungle. There are trees and vegetation in every direction as far as your eyes can see. You entered into the jungle with your best friend; a friend whom you love dearly. Often, your friend conveys to you how critically important it is that you stay on the right path. This narrow path is necessary to your survival, protecting you from the dangers of the jungle. In fact, your friend has often helped you, even saved you when you would veer from the path now and then.
As you wander deeper and deeper into the jungle, straying off the path, your attention wanders as you focus on so many other things that are of interest to you. Your friend, you remember, often cautions you about the dangers in the jungle should you stray off the path. But there you are, gazing at the wonderment of everything beautiful about the jungle; noticing all of the colors and patterns. You indulge in the vast variety of fresh fruit and vegetables growing on the trees and from the ground. Not only are the delights in the jungle pleasurable to the eyes but the smells and flavors were gratifying to your tongue and satisfying to your belly.
Your friend is someone you respect and admire, more than anyone you have ever known. You practically worship this person. Your friend is so special to you; so special that you might say that everything that your friend has shown and taught you over the years has really changed your life; believing things possible that were seemingly impossible. Even in the middle of the jungle it would feel like that as long as you are walking with your friend, doing and indulging in only what your friend indulges in, it is as though you don’t need anything else. Everything you seek and pursue with your friend along the path brings satisfaction to your mind, your heart, your spirit, and gives you physical sustenance and strength.
But there you go, feeling all independent and invincible. You are so confident that your friend can conquer every foe and overcome every obstacle in the jungle that you are fearless. That is when you would wander off. Your friend yells out to you, “What are you looking for?” You respond loudly because of the increasing distance between you and your friend, “I need more!” Your friend yells back to you, “I am more… I am the best thing that ever happened to you!” From anyone else that might sound presumptuous and arrogant. But it sounds right coming from your friend.
But there you go, doing your own thing, against the clear warnings you have received from your loving friend. You call out again, but there is no response. There is, however, someone else in the forest who approaches you and says, “I saw that you were with your friend. Where did your friend go? This person who approached you is beautiful. Everything about this person was so amazing that you feel yourself so drawn to this person that you respond, “What friend? I don’t know you’re talking about. I don’t know anyone else in the jungle that I would call my friend except you.”
The woman asked Peter, “You’re not one of that man’s disciples, are you?” “No,” he said, “I am not.” John 18:17 (NLT)
The banter continues as a couple of others ask you about your friend. But you want what they have and you are so attracted to them and all that they have that even though they persist about your friend, whom you know they despise, you insist emphatically, “I don’t have any friends out here, but I could sure use a friend right about now… I am lost in this jungle.” These people are laughing at you and run off. So you retrace your steps and head back. You feel frightened and alone. You no longer feel invincible, but you understand that as long as you can find your friend, everything will be alright. So you continue your search. You might call it a search and rescue mission since you are searching, hoping to be rescued by your friend.
The Unexpected Crisis
Then, BOOM! Something you never expected the moment appeared more attractive and alluring than anything you could have received from your friend. It was obvious to you now why those people had laughed at you. They had attacked and brutally beaten and tortured your friend so badly that you could see that your friend was near death. There is a note folded under a rock next to your friend. The note is stained with your friend’s blood. It reads, “This was intended for you. We came to kill you but decided that your friend would do. Your friend knew we had come for you but he said if we leave you alone that your friend would take the beating and be executed on your behalf. That is some friend you have.” You are beside yourself. Why would your friend do that? How could that happen? Your friend cannot die. It is not possible.
Then you hear your friend gasp. Your friend is still awake and squinting is looking you directly in the eye. Then locked in on you, your friend’s eyes widen as tears explode from them. You sense deep in your spirit that your friend’s tears were not meant to be selfish, even in a time like this. Your friend was weeping for your loss. You could also see in your friend’s eyes that when given the choice that you had rejected authentic friendship for something counterfeit. Your friend knows what you did out there. Of course, your friend has always known. Your friend, even while dying, understanding your guilt, and that you did not realize what you were giving up, says to you, “I forgive you… I love you. Don’t ever forget me.”
It was clear the pain your friend was in, and your friend forgave you! You knew in the core of your being that you had betrayed everything that was good and right about this shared loving relationship with such a beautiful and awesome friend.
Your friend told you as he stood, pinned to a tree in the jungle by a spear from those people you had tried to align yourself with, “I am dying… there isn’t much time left.” You said to your friend, “But you cannot die! What will I do without you?” He said to you, “You will not be alone long. My death is certain, but I will certainly come back to you. Check back in a few days. Alright? Three days and I will come back to you.” Then he gasped and breathed his last. Your friend is gone. Even in death your friend’s eyes are locked on yours. That is way too much to bear as you close your friend’s eyes.
Your friend represents—embodies—everything you understood to be good and right and best in the world. Your friend embodies the essence of everything virtuous and beautiful. Your friend’s death has taken your breath away. It hurts so much; so badly. You’re so fatigued by your pain that you sit there and loose consciousness and eventually fall into a deep sleep, leaning up against tree only a few yards across from your friend.
There you are in the jungle asleep in some brush as day turns into night. Without direction and with only some moonlight bleeding through the thick trees you are helplessly lost. You might try finding your way hoping the light of day would somehow brightens your reality. While deep in hopeless sleep you have this dream; perhaps a vision, you might say. In the vision you see your friend. You are walking along side your friend who is betrayed by someone you trust, along with his gang of thugs. How could this be?
The Battle
Your friend asks them, “Who are you looking for?” They reply in unison, “The one who is most virtuous, going around talking like is king of the jungle. We are going to put an end to that.” Your friend responds, “I Am the one.” When your friend says, “I am the one”, the gang of thugs all at once become weak-kneed stumbling around until they begin to drop one by one until they were all flailing about as they fall to the ground. It is a violent picture of spears and knives bandied about as the thugs are seemingly battling a ghost that is putting them all down as if they never stood a chance. It is an unbelievable scene; the most amazing thing you’ll ever see.
Jesus fully realized all that was going to happen to him, so he stepped forward to meet them. “Who are you looking for?” he asked. “Jesus the Nazarene,” they replied. “I Am he,” Jesus said. (Judas, who betrayed him, was standing with them.) As Jesus said “I Am he,” they all drew back and fell to the ground! Once more he asked them, “Who are you looking for?” And again they replied, “Jesus the Nazarene. “I told you that I Am he,” Jesus said.” John 18:4-8 (NLT)
The thugs are literally pinned to the jungle floor fearing for their very lives. But then it as though the ghost releases them and as they stand back up they seem to be loosed from their fear and become courageously emboldened like never before as they come for your friend. You enter the fray and try to fight them off but there are simply too many of them. They hold you as you feel the sharp tip of a spear up against your throat just under your chin. The thug has evil in his eyes and is practically foaming at the mouth as he is a second from driving his spear up into your brain. You have never ever been so stricken with outright fear like this before in your life.
But then suddenly your friend speaks out as if in complete authority over the situation and commands these thugs, “Let my friend go and take me instead. I’m not asking…”
Whoa… You think again that the tide has certainly shifted about who is in charge here, even after your friend had allowed the thugs back to their feet and one of them came at you with his spear right against your throat. But what did your friend mean when he said to the thugs, “Take me instead”?
But they do as he says; the thug withdraws his spear from your throat and backs away.
“I told you that I Am he,” Jesus said. “And since I am the one you want, let these others go.” John 18:8 (NLT)
You notice that your friend did not put up any resistance at all. In fact, the more your friend appears to be resigned to death at the hands of the thugs the more you become afraid. Where once you felt truly invincible in the company of your friend, now you felt just as vulnerable in the company of your enemies.
You begin to run fearing for your own life but you can’t quite leave. You stop suddenly and peer back to watch your friend take spear after spear into what is now a severely punctured wounded body. How could this be allowed to happen? Your friend had come on like a lion to put down the thugs flat on their backs. And now your friend, like a lamb innocent of anything at all crooked, surrenders to die? The thugs tied your friend spread wide open to a tree and one by one thrust their spears into the torso of your friend. Then they left your friend there to rot as they revel in what they believe to be a victory worthy of festive celebration, laughing and drinking.
It’s Done
You approach your friend and breathing his last, and as if to know what you had done when you were out chasing after the lure of the beautiful people that turned out be the band of thugs that killed your friend, your friend whispered in your ear, “I forgive you… I love you. Don’t ever forget me.” At the fateful sound of those last words, your friend gasps one last time. It is finished.
Jesus knew that his mission was now finished… he said, “It is finished!” Then he bowed his head and released his spirit. John 18:28, 30 (NLT)
It is a horrific day of tragedy of the worst order. There is my friend, executed by a mob against that tree in this dense jungle in the midst of a constant fury of activity. My friend is hardly recognizable. It’s like one of those scenes after a war when bodies are strewn everywhere, except in this case it is only my friend’s broken and battered body; a sight not easily beheld. Even in my acute sense of grief I couldn’t help wonder to myself, “What am I going to do? It’s a jungle out there! Lions and tigers and snakes all looking for prey for their next meal. This band of thugs prancing about in the jungle as if they own the place or something.
I woke up from my slumber to find I am still lost deep in the density of the jungle. My friend’s dead body still speared to the tree. I weep for some time before I can move again. Still deeply distressed to the point of despair, honestly wanting to myself die, I help move my friend’s tattered body to the ground. I will wrap the body with a blanket I’d been carrying and cover it with some branches I’d broken off. I then try to make my way through the jungle hoping to find my way home. Sorry to sound cliche but I am walking aimlessly around and through the jungle. I was hoping to come back with some folks who also dearly loved my friend so that we can take his body to more permanent dignified location. I can’t tell you if I am making any progress. I am way off the path and I do not know my way home from here.
As the daylight dimmed and night entered in, I stop from time to time and sleep a little. I continue to be tormented inside in disbelief and any of this is real. I am always hoping just as I drift off that when I wake up that things will be as they were and my trusted companion, who I loved with all my heart, will be at my side; that we will be talking and joking. My friend would tell that instead of hunting for food that we are hunting for souls to usher into the family. My friend would say that this family will someday restore sanity to the jungle, and that all will love with what my friend called “perfect love”.
Something’s Missing
A couple of days later, I walk up on the pile of branches I had buried my friend under. My friend’s body is not there. It’s missing! My blanket… you know… the blanket I’d wrapped my friend’s body in, is folded neatly where I had laid my friend to rest on top of some brush under tree branches. Had an animal gotten to the body it would not have folded the blanket. Had thugs for some reason retrieved the body they most certainly would not have taken the time to fold the blanket. What a strange, yet deeply profound feeling is rushing through me. I do not understand it. The feeling is distressing and all the while heartbreaking. I am mystified. I didn’t know what to make of it.
All I know is that I am a mess inside as my heart breaks for my friend. I can no longer grieve in the way that I could thinking someone has moved the body of my friend. I weep desperately, like a small child who has lost something dear and is overwrought with fear.
Then suddenly I hear a voice call out, “Why are you crying? Who are you looking for?” As I turn toward the voice I catch a glimpse of a shadow in my periphery, a silhouette of some kind. It is there for just a moment and then it isn’t. Hearing the voice, I struggle with the weight of a heavy heart and yet there is something altogether familiar about the voice; but not anything I am certain about. It calls out to me by name. The voice calls me yet again, “Friend, I am here.” I recognize that voice. I cannot believe it! My friend is alive! My friend’s eyes are steady, attentive, and reassuring. My friend asks of me, “Can we walk together through the jungle for awhile?”
“Dear woman, why are you crying?” Jesus asked her. “Who are you looking for?” She thought he was the gardener. “Sir,” she said, “if you have taken him away, tell me where you have put him, and I will go and get him.” “Mary!” Jesus said. She turned to him and cried out, “Rabboni!” (which is Hebrew for “Teacher”). John 20:15-16 (NLT)
Walking through the intolerant jungle with my friend, I am so at peace. My confidence is back. I feel that as my friend strengthens me, I can do anything within range of my friend.
Restored
As we walk some more it hits me. When my friend asked me why I was crying it was then that I was grieving. When My friend asked me who I was looking for I did not believe that my friend would ever experience life again. Who does that? How is it that a person can back to life after experiencing death? Yet when my friend asked the band of thugs who they were looking for a few days ago, I did not—could not—believe that my friend would die in the first place. My friend was everything to me. My friend knew me better than I knew myself. When it was said that my friend would be killed, I thought it not possible that my friend could die. When dead, I thought it not possible that my friend could live. How ironic is that?
I remember that I had told those thugs that I did not have a friend in the jungle. I am disturbed with feelings of intense guilt and shame about what I have done betraying my friend.
My friend senses this and asks me, “Do you love me?”
“Of course, I do.”
My friend says, “Take care of the rest of our friends for me.”
My friend asks again, “Do you love me?”
Again? “Of course, you have to know that I love you.”
My friend replies, “Nourish those who will not be able to help themselves.”
Where is my friend going with this? I do not understand.
Then my friend asks yet again, “Do you love me?”
I told him, “I don’t understand… without a doubt my friend. I will do anything for you.”
“Anything?” my friend asks.
“Anything!” I reply with emphasis.
My friend then says with the look of challenge in his eyes as I’m sure he saw the foreboding look in mine, “Alright then. Live in the jungle. Forgive all of the thugs of the jungle in your heart. Love them by telling them the truth about me as I connect you to it in your heart. You can do this. I will be with you.”
After breakfast Jesus asked Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?”
“Yes, Lord,” Peter replied, “you know I love you.”
“Then feed my lambs,” Jesus told him.
Jesus repeated the question: “Simon son of John, do you love me?”
“Yes, Lord,” Peter said, “you know I love you.”
“Then take care of my sheep,” Jesus said.
A third time he asked him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”
Peter was hurt that Jesus asked the question a third time. He said, “Lord, you know everything. You know that I love you.”
Jesus said, “Then feed my sheep.” John 21:15-17 (NLT)
Well, of course. As long as my friend is with me, I’m feeling pretty good about it. My friend was back. The thugs in the end could not kill my friend. My friend has the heart, will, and determination of a lion ruling its subjects; king of the jungle. I think it a privilege to serve with my friend in the jungle. I had never known love before until I experienced the best of what love is in relationship with this friend. I will go anywhere and everywhere with and for my friend.
My friend approached me and embraced me. I know my friend has forgiven me for my betrayal when I was confused and in desperate distress about my friend dying. My friend has always been gracious, merciful, and immeasurably generous. I know now more than ever in my life that I can conquer anything. I am David, confident against Goliath, because of who it is in the battle with me. Talk about assurance… Talk about affirmation… I am emboldened to fight the good fight.
Empowered
But something is happening that left misunderstood can leave me leave breathless once again. My friend has left me, but this is hard to explain. My friend has climbed up to the peek of the mountain overlooking the jungle. My friend is different now. He is in fact the king of the jungle. I know in this in the very depths of my soul; in the core of my being. As I see my friend there, perched on his throne, I never at any other point have felt closer to my friend. What an incredible… I want to say feeling or sensation… but it is so much deeper and real than that. It is an experience… like I am changed entirely. I am experiencing the love of my friend on a scale I have not known before… not even when my friend embraced me having come back to life from the dead.
Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow… and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord. Philippians 2:9-11 (NIV)
I had been through some amazing, even bizarre adventures before with my friend. But going back into the heart of the jungle to face those thugs again… you would think I’d be either filled with rage with feelings of vengeance toward them, or that I would be filled with fear that they would kill me. Instead, what I feel is love for them. Not that I approve of how they live, but compassion for them that they are lost in the jungle, themselves wandering aimlessly without any sense of purpose except greed and destruction, while all the while miserable. They do not see it yet. But my friend has shown me their need. He has given me in my heart compassion and love for them, as my friend loves them. They need to hear the truth about my friend and that they, like myself, can live in peace, content from within.
It really is outside of my nature and character this sense of peace that I have about my life, and everything and everyone in it, motivating me to show love to others that I otherwise despise and to whom I would typically treat with spite. Like I said, I cannot explain this. It should be most unsettling living in the jungle seeking out my enemies for the purpose reaching out to them to bless them by telling them about the peace and the joy that is so alive in me. They won’t get it. They will at the very least antagonize me, and likely will subject me to their brutality. But like I said, I have such peace about it. It is where I need to be and it is so right with me inside.
Challenged
Don’t get me wrong. The challenge is immense and intense. There are times when I don’t feel all that confident about my calling. There are times when I don’t feel so at peace, feeling doubt now and then along the way. But each time that I look up at my king… my friend on his throne looking over the jungle I live in, I am assured again. I am able to look at him and I am able to communicate to him my thoughts and feelings; my doubts and fears. Even though my friend is up high on his throne, my friend is with me. I sense that my friend moves within me, directing my steps along the narrow path. That’s right, I am back on the path right in the lane my friend has put me in. When I stumble and fall, as I humble myself, from within my friend lifts me up and affords me strength. When I get angry, even resentful that things aren’t going my way, my friend reminds my thoughts and settles my will that control is not meant to be mine, but is in the hands of the one who is in authority. My friend helps me to not worry about what I cannot handle on my own.
For this is what the high and exalted One says—he who lives forever, whose name is holy: “I live in a high and holy place, but also with the one who is contrite and lowly in spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly and to revive the heart of the contrite.” Isaiah 57:15 (NIV)
I am not alone in the fight to bring peace and stability to the jungle. I have a number of other friends… good friends… who have experienced many awesome powerful things with the one I call “My Friend.” We are a family committed to serving the king of the jungle.
I should tell you that there is an impostor prancing about the jungle looking like and behaving like a lion in pursuit of lost misguided souls, the chief thug that has every intention to devour their will and manipulate them into being thugs. I recognize the impostor. The impostor was there the day my friend was captured. The impostor calls itself a lion, tricking lost souls in the name of deception into believing a lie. But what I saw that day was a snake in the heart of the jungle slithering about, giving the order to the thugs to kill my friend. And they did. What the snake must be thinking now seeing the lion on the throne, ruling over the jungle. You would think the snake would recoil and tremble. But no, the snake continues to slither about, scheming about how to outwit the king by snatching members of the king’s family by bending truth with distortions that twist otherwise loving hearts.
However, we as family are one. We are an army; a powerful force to be reckoned with. We know that the thugs have been blinded by the snake and cannot comprehend the lion sitting on the throne. We walk in the presence and the power of the king as we confront our enemy. We battle the enemy, not with spears but with love. Love is a spiritual weapon not easily understood in the jungle. Even the snake coils up when exposed to perfect love emanating from the family in the spirit of the king. It is the love coming forth from the family of the king that prevails against the threat of any opposition to it. It is through this love that the battle is won and the jungle and all of its inhabitants live in peace.
Yes, it is a jungle out there. The day is coming when the only tears shed in the jungle are the tears of souls overcome by joy. The day is coming when the snake is extinguished and the only thugs left are thugs like me who have turned away from being a thug, changed by the king, and welcomed as a brother and sister into the family.
My friend is Jesus who is God… King of kings and Lord of lords. God calls me friend. It doesn’t get any better than that.
I have told you this to make you as completely happy as I am. Now I tell you to love each other, as I have loved you. The greatest way to show love for friends is to die for them. And you are my friends, if you obey me. John 15:13 (CEV)
With our friend, Jesus, we will change the world.
