Everyone needs to feel appreciated on a regular basis. This stems from our very human need to know and feel that what we have done is right and worthy of notice. We feel good when someone gives us their love and approval.
However, being overly dependent on approval from others, and fearing their disapproval, comes from the belief that others are responsible for our worth. If they like what we have done or said, then we are okay. If they disapprove, then something is wrong with who we are as a person.
When we become dependent on approval because of inner insecurity or lack of love for ourselves, we choose conformity, being “nice”, and putting our dreams on hold. We play life safe, not taking too many risks, and being careful to remain in the box of acceptability. Pushing down inner passion, self-expression, and creative pursuits, our life becomes lukewarm. As a result, we turn to temporary pleasures and remedies to fill our need for authentic joy.
How can you tell if you are truly addicted to seeking the approval of others? There are several telltale signs, and they include:
• You describe yourself as a “people pleaser”
• You work hard at being “good”
• You believe you must have love or approval from the significant people in your life
• You are overly responsible taking on the responsibility of others
• You depend on others approval to give you a sense of self-worth
• You say “yes” to others to please them although you really want to say “no”
• You lack self-confidence in your skills, abilities, and knowledge
• You fear rejection or conflict
• Your best is never good enough for you
• You suppress your creative talents and expressions
• If you do something that someone doesn’t approve of, you feel very guilty
The risk of being addicted to others’ approval is that you end up living your life for other people.
Reference: Dr. Annette Colby, RD
Ask yourself the following questions to determine if you need help:
- Are you obsessed with what other people think about you?
- Are you afraid to rock the boat?
- Is it difficult for you to know what you want?
- Do you find yourself saying yes when you desperately want to say ‘no’?
- Do you feel guilty when someone does not approve of something you are doing?
- Is it hard for you to express your feelings when they are different from someone you are close to?
- Does your happiness depend on the approval of others?
Continue on to:
