Anger—
Anger is like blowing up a balloon. The balloon is the constitution within me that holds and releases anger through how I choose to express my anger. The hot air in the balloon is the internal collection of experiences that throughout the course of my life have accumulated into a deep pool of angry emotion flooding my soul. The pin that pokes at my anger balloon are the external experiences of everyday. As the balloon becomes more and more full of hot air it will take less and less applied pressure from the pin pricks to break through the skin of this balloon and cause it to explode.
When the balloon continues to expand as the anger escalates until it can hardly contain another breath of air, it will not take much for the balloon explode. When explosion occurs, everything contained in the balloon explodes all over anyone in the area of the balloon, which can lead to costly, if not tragic, terrifying outcomes… consequences that can cause long-lasting, perhaps even permanent damage. However, when air is released from the balloon through the use of recovery tools and coping skills to effectively manage anger and conflict. The balloon doesn’t have to get that full. If there isn’t so much internal pressure, it will take far greater external pressure to cause the balloon to explode. And even should the pin (external pressure) break through the skin of the balloon, when it does pop, there isn’t as much inside to evoke a whole lot of damage.
We all get angry. When we get angry our blood pressure goes up. Our heart rate increases. The rise of blood pressure and heart rate can be substantial. There is a significant surge of adrenalin. There are things happening throughout the body and chemistry of the brain that, if unresolved, can result in unhealthy consequences. Anger increases our level of stress. It is important and necessary that we do something with our anger.
The question is, how do we manage our anger in a way that is good for us, as well as for those we interact with while we’re angry?
Anger and in particular rage tend to “require” an aggressive response in order to relieve the stress caused by anger. According to Science, there is actually a hormone called cortisol that is released when we respond to anger and rage. It seems as though the more aggressive the response, the more cortisol is released, and the more quickly and easily we seem to come down from the chemical spikes in the brain. Whenever what scientists refer to as homeostasis (a state of psychological equilibrium or balance obtained when tension or a drive has been reduced or eliminated) is disturbed significantly by stress, we can experience substantial difficulty to our health. Coronary functions can be damaged and weakened. That is how stress and anxiety lead to heart disease. Anger and rage produce stress, and when prolonged, take us down a road of physical and emotional health problems.
Add to this the problem of our selfish sin nature that has severely infected the GO and STOP systems of our brain. Anger and rage fuel the GO system and produce an aggressive response of the STOP system when faced with a threat. This can be a lethal combination when the GO system and STOP system are producing an aggressive response to external and internal stimuli at the same time. The external stimulus can be anything from something threatening you physically to someone saying something to you verbally that affects you emotionally, causing your brain to protect you from the perceived threat. The internal stimuli can range from wanting to be loved and appreciated and everything under your control going your way, to the desire and perceived “need” to conquer, win and be right. The selfish sin nature controls that part of our brain that wants so badly to win and feel good.
So, we can conclude that it imperative that we have outlets for anger or we’ll burst. The problem is that our brain is set up to automatically react to anger and rage according to our selfish sin nature. We tend to use aggressive vocal inflections, or in other words, raise our voice and yell at someone as an expression of anger. We tend to use verbally aggressive language to express our anger. We might hit something or someone as an expression of anger. Parents may spank and hit their children, or send them to a “time out”, not because it is a reinforcing tool for discipline, but as an expression of anger. Siblings will hit each other. Athletic combatants will utilize aggressive physical contact to express anger, deemed necessary for a competitive edge to resolve adrenalin spikes. It isn’t just vocal volume and physical acts of aggression that attempt to experience relief from anger, but also the content of what is said. We’ll use just the right words to exact our revenge. Of course, there can be far severe expressions of anger and rage that result in more severe consequences. Not only consequences that can land a person in prison or result in someone beaten or killed, but result in terminated relationships—personal and professional.
Resentment—
When we get stuck in anger, unable to adequately express it or fully resolve it, we tend to develop feelings of resentment. Resentment is prolonged unresolved anger. It is usually directed toward other people. It can be directed at yourself. Resentment is a powerful emotion trapped in the biochemical cycles of the brain that can have a serious impact whenever and wherever it is triggered. It’s like nasty thorny weeds with roots dug so deep that when the weed is pulled it snaps off from the root. At the surface it appears as though the weeds are gone for good but the root under the ground is still very much alive and will grow gradually or spring forth all of a sudden when provoked.
And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil. Ephesians 4:26-27
Anger giving the devil a foothold is anger rooted in so deep that it gives way to the root of resentment. As the root digs deeper still it gives way to bitterness. At that level, bitterness can give root to hate and forgiveness may seem to be near impossible.
Eruption (Passive-Aggressive)—
What you are up against are biochemical processes in the brain that are keenly attuned to the information in your responses to these questions. The homeostasis (balance) of the GO and STOP systems of your brain is upset by all of the anger, the rage, the resentment, the jealousy, the disappointment of unmet expectations (realistic or not), feelings of vengeance, and so on. It is unexpressed and unresolved anger that takes you to the place of imagining the script for how your anger will be expressed. The result is that resentment is prolonged. The anger toward the object of resentment will come out, and when it does…look out. It builds and it builds until there is a kind of volcanic eruption of sorts when the pressure is too great. You need the cortisol release to relieve the stress of built up anger and resentment. The cortisol, you could say, is the ash and lava that comes spewing out from within. You feel some immediate relief but the ones you erupted all over now have their issues in need of their cortisol release. They in turn experience their relief from immediate stress, but typically not until they have erupted all over you. And on and on it goes.
