by Steven Gledhill for FREEdom from MEdom Project
My addiction to me is in fact idolatry. Being that I happen to be American, I suppose you could say then that I am an “American Idol” meaning that I am my own idol. 
I am the most important thing in my life. It is my nature, and I am simply being true to my nature. I am by nature my own god needing to be satisfied. I cannot help myself. When I itch I scratch. I will do what I have to do to feel better—even if it’s just a little bit better. If it means using sarcasm to feel better at your expense then that is what I will do. If it means yelling at you to defend myself, then that is what I will do. You might get upset but I will feel better. If it means breaking your heart to protect mine, then that is what I will do. If it means obtaining things to feel better then that is what I will do. If it means eating and eating some more to feel better, then that is what I will do. If it means starving myself to feel better, then that is what I will do. If it means a dose of medication, or ingesting a chemical or two or three to feel better, then that is what I will do. If it means sacrificing those I profess to love to feel better, then that is what I will do.
Is it wrong, or a sin, to make medicine to feel better? Is it wrong, or a sin, to have a beer or two or three, or a glass of wine or two or three? Is it wrong, or a sin, to smoke cigarettes or eat unhealthy food? Is it wrong, or a sin, to vent my anger or use witty sarcasm to make a joke? Is it wrong, or a sin, to express my feelings even though at times it might mean hurting your feelings? Is it wrong, or a sin, to buy nice things for myself and others I want to buy for? Is it wrong, or a sin, to have a good time at a party? Well, is it? What do you think? The answer to these questions is probably “no, except if…(and) when…”
The bottom line is that at the root of these things is our objective to feel better than we did before we indulged in whatever it is we’re indulging in. Ultimately, everything I do is for me. Even what I do for my wife and my kids, and what I do for my grandson, I get something out of it. I feel better. Is it wrong to do this or that to feel better? No, except when… A need in me has been addressed. Is it wrong to address my needs? No, except when… Am I satisfied? Is there still something in me that is dissatisfied? How far will I go to resolve my dissatisfaction? It is in the examination of this question that I can determine when addressing what I need and want delves into the terrain of what is wrong or sin.
For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and evil of every kind. James 3:16 (NLT)
The Apostle James wrote that it is jealousy and selfish ambition that are out of the order of what is right and good, which is at its core sinful and evil. It is anything we do and say from a jealous, covetous, and self-centered heart that we are wrong and sinful. Of course it is our over-indulgence that is more obvious to ourselves and the others affected by our self-indulgent behavior.
Like greedy dogs, they are never satisfied. They are ignorant shepherds, all following their own path and intent on personal gain. “Come,” they say, “let’s get some wine and have a party. Let’s all get drunk. Then tomorrow we’ll do it again and have an even bigger party!” Isaiah 56:11-12 (NLT)
Uh oh; this passage from Isaiah suggests that partying is a problem. Actually, the problem is when a good time is perverted into something greedy and self-indulgent. The Bible has a number of places where festive celebrations were welcomed and encouraged. Jesus turned water into wine at a party. Scriptural references to heaven speak unapologetically about partying. It isn’t the party that is at issue. It is the purpose of the agenda that is at the heart of the matter. Celebration in its purity is one thing while celebration that is decadent and in its purpose debauchery is another. Our problem is that so often we blur this boundary. Since it is our nature to self-indulge to feel better than we are, our brains stay in ‘go’ mode and we become so easily impaired by our desire and can’t stop. The things I do in order to achieve what I hope feels better are devices of idolatry that I offer to my idol that is, in actuality, me.
The question then becomes, how far will I go to feel better?
You worship your idols with great passion beneath the oaks and under every green tree. You sacrifice your children down in the valleys, among the jagged rocks in the cliffs. Your gods are the smooth stones in the valleys. 
You worship them with liquid offerings and grain offerings. They, not I, are your inheritance. Do you think all this makes me happy? You have committed adultery on every high mountain. There you have worshiped idols and have been unfaithful to me. You have put pagan symbols on your doorposts and behind your doors. You have left me and climbed into bed with these detestable gods. You have committed yourselves to them. You love to look at their naked bodies. You have given olive oil to Molech (the god of heat and light—fire—associated with costly, deadly sacrifice) with many gifts of perfume. You have traveled far, even into the world of the dead, to find new gods to love. You grew weary in your search, but you never gave up. Desire gave you renewed strength, and you did not grow weary. “Are you afraid of these idols? Do they terrify you? Is that why you have lied to me and forgotten me and my words? Is it because of my long silence that you no longer fear me? Now I will expose your so-called good deeds. None of them will help you. Let’s see if your idols can save you when you cry to them for help. Why, a puff of wind can knock them down! If you just breathe on them, they fall over! Isaiah 57:5-13a (NLT)
Really? I’ll do all that to feel better about myself? These were God’s people who turned their backs on him. Instead, they went into the lush valleys and procured rocks and smooth stones to build up their altars to their idols. They brought into their routines their booze and their “drugs” to fuel their idolatry. They sacrificed their own children to their idols. A former client of mine once said that he sacrificed his wife and children to his god, crack cocaine. Remember that the idol is you; the idol is me. The rocks and smooth stones are my “drugs” of choice. You might not be an alcoholic or a drug addict as you read this (or, maybe you are), but your self-centered drugs of choice might include sexual activity that doesn’t involve your wife (pornography, deviant sexual routines and rituals), gluttony of various types, approval and codependency addictions…It’s still all about you and all about me. And it comes with great risk as we sacrifice so much to satisfy our addiction.
God’s people became so attached to their idols—their gods—they were smitten and so infatuated with them that they did everything they could to bring pleasure to their god. Bringing pleasure to their false god meant pleasing that which was pleasurable to them. God created you and me to experience pleasure; even in our humanness. Love is intended for our pleasure. Even sexual love is intended by God for our pleasure as human beings. But once love is corrupted and perverted it is no longer pure pleasure but instead involves selfish ambition and is then shrouded in jealousy and covetousness. In our selfishness, love starts and ends with loving me so much that if there is anything left over after I’m done satisfying me you can have it. Is that over the top? Or, when you really think about it, is the truth speaking right to the heart of it? As you consider this truth, if your initial cognitive reaction is about how appropriate this message is for someone else, I would ask that you examine yourself first. Look into your own heart—a little self-inventory. Be honest with yourself. Pray on it for awhile, long before paying attention to how this might be good for someone else.
The truth of what God is saying to his people through the prophet Isaiah is that we come to rely on these gods of pleasure and relief (escape) rather than trusting him. Since really our gods are you and me, according to what we value in the flesh, we are intent on pursuing that which delivers pleasure and relief—living much of the time as if God does not exist (…“Is that why you have lied to me and forgotten me and my words?”). The reality, however, is that when it comes right down to it, our gods have absolutely no authority to help us feel any better and in actuality will fail us each and every time. They are so fragile that even a breath will knock them down. Our gods—our “drugs” of choice in life—cannot save us when we reach out to them for help. Since we are our gods, ultimately, then we have no authority. We are weak and perishable. All that we sacrifice to our gods are destroyed and die. Unless…we listen to and take to heart the promise: “But whoever trusts in me will inherit the land and possess my holy mountain.”
God says, “Rebuild the road! Clear away the rocks and stones so my people can return from captivity.” The high and lofty one who lives in eternity, the Holy One, says this: “I live in the high and holy place with those whose spirits are contrite and humble. I restore the crushed spirit of the humble and revive the courage of those with repentant hearts. For I will not fight against you forever; I will not always be angry. If I were, all people would pass away—all the souls I have made. I was angry, so I punished these greedy people. I withdrew from them, but they kept going on their own stubborn way. I have seen what they do, but I will heal them anyway! I will lead them. I will comfort those who mourn, bringing words of praise to their lips. May they have abundant peace, both near and far,” says the LORD, who heals them. “But those who still reject me are like the restless sea, which is never still but continually churns up mud and dirt. There is no peace for the wicked,” says my God. Isaiah 57:13b-21 (NLT)
There is a lot to behold in this passage of Scripture but at the front and center of it is the loving mercy of God who desires to reconcile with us. When we go our own way chasing after our selfish ambitions as we pursue our gods, God tends to withdraw his hand of protection and provision, allowing us to experience the consequences of our addictive behavior (“I withdrew from them, but they kept going on their stubborn ways”). However, it is God’s purpose and plan to set us free from our stubborn (addictive) ways. Through Isaiah, God said, “Rebuild the road! Clear away the rock and stones so that my people can return from captivity.” What an “amazing grace” truth for them and promise for us since the truth of God’s Word is consistent from generation to generation, day to day, minute to minute. Through Jesus, God reconciles the contrite (bankrupt) and repentant (turning away from sin) spirit (attitude). As we come to that place of brokenness, a repentant attitude is what drives the decision to seek God for help in spite of the addictive urges still alive and kicking inside of us.
