A Man After God’s Own Heart: David’s Story of Addiction, Repentance, Relapse & Restoration

by Steven Gledhill for FREEdom from MEdom Project

“It’s long, but it’s worth the read to the one who will take the time. It is admirable that you took on David’s sexual addiction head-on, whereas most Bible scholars seem to treat the polygamy of the monarchy as a sort of sexual “grace period” in the otherwise monogamous command of God.” —Pastor Fran Leeman, Chicago (Plainfield), Illinois

The LORD has sought out a man after his own heart and appointed him ruler of his people.  1 Samuel 13:14

After removing Saul, he made David their king. God testified concerning him: ‘I have found David son of Jesse, a man after my own heart; he will do everything I want him to do.’  Acts 13:22

A man after God’s own heart… That’s quite a claim from Samuel, inspired prophetically to write these words as testimony of the heart of God.

We know that David is arguably the most iconic figure of the Old Testament who is not God (unless you prefer to say that about Abraham or Moses). When you include the likes of Simon Peter, Paul, Jesus, and Christ’s mother Mary onto the list, David is likely somewhere on the “Mount Rushmore” of biblical icons. The lineage of Jesus goes through David.

We know that Paul, when he was Saul, murdered Christians in the name of Judaism. Then, he met Jesus, and the rest is history. Paul the Apostle would go on to mentor ministers of the gospel, and write much of the New Testament, via letters to churches of the major cities where he did ministry, and to evangelists he mentored after having encountered Jesus in a most revelational experience.

In examining the life of David, there is no doubt that he killed for reasons he deemed justified, including conspiring to have a man murdered so that he could possess the man’s wife, whom he coveted. Is it possible, though, that David was a serial rapist, both before and after what he did with, or should I say did to, Bathsheba? He was the king, so while his behavior may have been criminal, deviant, and most certainly sinful, it wasn’t a crime. Why not? Because, David was the king. He ruled the land as he saw fit.

King David of the Bible suffered from a cunning, baffling disease known as addiction—addiction to self. When you feel you are permitted to behave without consequence, being a slave to sin takes on a whole ‘nother dimension. Borne out of addiction to self comes all other symptoms of addiction. David strayed from the truth of what he understood intellectually to be good and right, according to the will of God. Lost was the innocence of the young warrior who killed a lion to protect his sheep, and took down a giant of a man to defend a nation. Even with the anointing and power and all of the blessing bestowed on him by his Heavenly Father, David grew in pride and selfish ambition, overrun by his sin nature, and rooted in a core belief that he is entitled. David would have to submit one day at a time, even one moment at a time, to the will of his Lord, or David would succumb to unimaginable temptation that would avail itself to him as the King of all Israel. But it would take David most of a lifetime to repent to the degree of surrender necessary to be truly repentant in terms of activating behavioral change; transformed by a renewed mind.

This writing is not meant to disparage David so much as it is intended to reveal the sin nature in every single one of us, and our need to repent with a heart of surrender, lest we give in repeatedly to temptation. God hates sin, PERIOD! Sin is the hostile enemy of God. Therefore, we all need God’s grace and mercy, every bit as much as David did.

That being said, let’s get into it.

Consider the “drugs” of temptation that David had to choose from as both a king, and as a human being: sexual temptation; every form of lust, power, and greed; money and possessions; alcohol and “herbs” (drugs); anger, rage, resentment, and revenge; lying and deceit; self-preservation at all cost (even if it meant murder to protect his reputation); issues of codependency; and the list goes on. The difference for David that you and I cannot relate to is that unless he was surrendered to the will and care of God moment by moment there was no one else to tell him “no”, “stop”, or “wait”. His advisers were in his ear constantly, but David was the man in charge and too often ignored sound counsel. Unless he heard from a prophet, or received a prophetic word via God’s own voice, David was, for the most part, self-governed. A very auspicious, yet dangerous, arena to be living in.

This is King David! He’s the man after God’s own heart. As a boy, David learned of God and came to know God. David was a young man of deep, supremely confident faith. The only “arrogance” in David was how confident he was in trusting his God to go ahead of him to do even the impossible. God knew David as a man of integrity. As a teenager, David would take on a mountain of a man (on behalf of an entire army), perhaps as tall as seven to eight feet, and who may have weighed, what… 400 pounds or more? The beast’s sword is said to have weighed some thirty to forty pounds. David put the giant down slinging a stone into his brain, and would slay Goliath by his own sword. How was that possible? Not for a second did David doubt he would defeat the man.

David would be anointed by God to be the next king of Israel.

The truth is that no matter who you are, if you are living outside of God’s perfect will and plan, then you are living according to your own desires and intentions driven by a systemic pattern of brain activity that wants what it wants when it wants it. It’s not that the self-centered brain is some monster come alive in you to do its bidding; but I suppose it’s something like that. The Apostle Paul wrote from a deeply sincere heart when he said (I’m paraphrasing Romans 7 stuff), “What I do and don’t do often goes against my God-driven conscience and I am ashamed of myself. It’s as though I’m not even the one doing it but it’s the sin in me controlling my mind and behavior. I am a slave to this thing alive in me. I am sick in it, and I am sick about it.”

When we put our faith in ourselves, even as we claim to trust and depend on Christ, we trend toward ambition, feel the need to protect of ourselves, and in doing so, choose unwisely. Trusting our gut can take us the opposite direct of where we want, and know we need, to be.

The primary focus of this writing is not to altogether present King David as having maladaptive, addictive behavior on several levels, but rather bring attention to the reality that deviant selfish sin is a cunning and powerful weapon against even the best of people; even “a man after God’s own heart.” And then to bring attention to the compassion of God’s mercy, and the nature of God’s grace.

People can love God deeply and intensely, yet still struggle with the addiction to self—MEdom. People can have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, according to His merciful grace, and struggle with addiction to lust, greed, and sexual sin. The key to recovery empowered by the Spirit of God happens one day at a time committed to faith-driven principles: Admit the sin by confession; Believe in the truth of redemption by a Sympathetic Savior with complete authority; and, Commit to a lifestyle of repentant recovery by turning everything over in submission to the One in authority according to that belief.

The Story Inside the Story

“How could one who was known for his devotion to God fall so horribly? What were the steps that led to his demise? David’s steps to losing his first love were subtle; but very real. When David sat on his rooftop watching Bathsheba bathe on that fateful night, he was not walking with the Lord as he once had… At this particular point in his life, we don’t read of him worshiping or singing love songs to God. David was spiritually idle.” —Pastor Greg Laurie, Harvest Ministries

Faithful Young Man of Valor

Early on in his life, David was the boy, and then the young man, that was too good of a kid to be brassy enough to someday be king. David was one of those kids you kind of hope never grows up. He was innocent and you didn’t want growing up to ruin that. He was compassionate, and the Bible called him good looking. The King James translation suggests David had a “beautiful countenance”, likely a reflection of a good-natured heart (disposition). David was a skilled musician. He had a way about him. He was also courageous and strongly determined when he put his mind to something. He was also skilled at tending sheep. He was the kind of teenager, then young adult, who had that moxy, that special something that you can’t quite put your finger on exactly what it is but you know when someone’s got it. That was David.

One of the servants said to Saul, “One of Jesse’s sons from Bethlehem is a talented harp player. Not only that, he is a brave warrior, a man of war, and has good judgment. He is also a fine-looking young man, and the Lord is with him.”  1 Samuel 16:18 (NLT)

At a young age, David was one that worshiped God. He loved God and played his instrument to the glory of God. When Samuel (the last of the judges) was led by the Spirit of God to Jesse of Bethlehem to identify and anoint the next king of Israel, well, here’s the story…

⁴ So Samuel did as the Lord instructed. When he arrived at Bethlehem, the elders of the town came trembling to meet him. “What’s wrong?” they asked. “Do you come in peace?”

⁵ “Yes,” Samuel replied. “I have come to sacrifice to the Lord. Purify yourselves and come with me to the sacrifice.” Then Samuel performed the purification rite for Jesse and his sons and invited them to the sacrifice, too.

⁶ When they arrived, Samuel took one look at Eliab and thought, “Surely this is the Lord’s anointed!”

⁷ But the Lord said to Samuel, “Don’t judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him. The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

⁸ Then Jesse told his son Abinadab to step forward and walk in front of Samuel. But Samuel said, “This is not the one the Lord has chosen.” ⁹ Next Jesse summoned Shimea,^[a] but Samuel said, “Neither is this the one the Lord has chosen.” ¹⁰ In the same way all seven of Jesse’s sons were presented to Samuel. But Samuel said to Jesse, “The Lord has not chosen any of these.” ¹¹ Then Samuel asked, “Are these all the sons you have?”

“There is still the youngest,” Jesse replied. “But he’s out in the fields watching the sheep and goats.”

“Send for him at once,” Samuel said. “We will not sit down to eat until he arrives.”

¹² So Jesse sent for him. He was dark and handsome, with beautiful eyes.

And the Lord said, “This is the one; anoint him.”

¹³ So as David stood there among his brothers, Samuel took the flask of olive oil he had brought and anointed David with the oil. And the Spirit of the Lord came powerfully upon David from that day on.  1 Samuel 16:4-13 (NLT)

David was the youngest of Jesse’s sons and seemed very comfortable as the shepherd of sheep that also seemed to enjoy adventure from time to time. The Scriptures tell us that David killed vicious wild animals to protect his flock of sheep. He was a compassionate kid that was growing up. By the time he was in his mid to late teens, David was anointed the next king of Israel who would then be the one who would be the musician with the charge to console the down-trodden king he would replace.

Then came the signature event in the life of a young man that would prove he was indeed the man. David would be respected and recognized as a fearless leader. Stepping into the on deck circle would catch the real men of war by surprise. Even his older brothers didn’t think David should even be at the end of the bench in the dugout.

Now Eliab his oldest brother heard when he spoke to the men; and Eliab’s anger was aroused against David, and he said, “Why did you come down here? And with whom have you left those few sheep in the wilderness? I know your pride and the insolence of your heart, for you have come down to see the battle.” And David said, “What have I done now? Is there not a cause?” Then he turned from him toward another and said the same thing; and these people answered him as the first ones did. Now when the words which David spoke were heard, they reported them to Saul; and he sent for him. Then David said to Saul, “Let no man’s heart fail because of him; your servant will go and fight with this Philistine.”  1 Samuel 17:28-32 (NKJV)

The rest is history; a phenomenal feet. David would trash talk the giant Philistine soldier and then back up every word with action.

Then David said to the Philistine, “You come to me with a sword, with a spear, and with a javelin. But I come to you in the name of the Lord of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied. This day the Lord will deliver you into my hand, and I will strike you and take your head from you. And this day I will give the carcasses of the camp of the Philistines to the birds of the air and the wild beasts of the earth, that all the earth may know that there is a God in Israel. Then all this assembly shall know that the Lord does not save with sword and spear; for the battle is the Lord’s, and He will give you into our hands.”  1 Samuel 17:45-47 (NKJV)

The only thing David cared about was bringing glory to his Lord, the great God of Israel that would go before David and the army standing behind David, leading them to victory.

It is interesting to me that King Saul put the fate of a nation into the hands of this spunky good-looking teenager. Did Saul really trust David? Did he have faith in God to use David? Or was there a back-up plan had David failed, whether it was to attack, run, or surrender? Well, no matter, because David slayed the giant with a stone and Goliath’s own sword. David would continue to love and worship God, who was indeed glorified.

² So Saul chose 3,000 elite troops from all Israel and went to search for David and his men near the rocks of the wild goats.

³ At the place where the road passes some sheepfolds, Saul went into a cave to relieve himself. But as it happened, David and his men were hiding farther back in that very cave!

⁴ “Now’s your opportunity!” David’s men whispered to him. “Today the Lord is telling you, ‘I will certainly put your enemy into your power, to do with as you wish.’” So David crept forward and cut off a piece of the hem of Saul’s robe.

⁵ But then David’s conscience began bothering him because he had cut Saul’s robe. ⁶ He said to his men, “The Lord forbid that I should do this to my lord the king. I shouldn’t attack the Lord’s anointed one, for the Lord himself has chosen him.” ⁷ So David restrained his men and did not let them kill Saul.

After Saul had left the cave and gone on his way, ⁸ David came out and shouted after him, “My lord the king!” And when Saul looked around, David bowed low before him.

⁹ Then he shouted to Saul, “Why do you listen to the people who say I am trying to harm you? ¹⁰ This very day you can see with your own eyes it isn’t true. For the Lord placed you at my mercy back there in the cave. Some of my men told me to kill you, but I spared you. For I said, ‘I will never harm the king—he is the Lord’s anointed one.’ ¹¹ Look, my father, at what I have in my hand. It is a piece of the hem of your robe! I cut it off, but I didn’t kill you. This proves that I am not trying to harm you and that I have not sinned against you, even though you have been hunting for me to kill me.  1 Samuel 24:2-11 (NLT)

David was then sought after by Saul, who wanted the threat to his reign killed. David was the kind of man that was so driven by the presence and power of God that even when he had opportunity to stop the manhunt by killing Saul he would not. Saul was his king and David was loyal and faithful to him. David spared his pursuers life and showed him mercy. That is what a man after God’s own heart would do. Soon enough though, after his adventures with Saul, David would become king and the story would change.

Unfaithful Man with Power

King David, may be the most esteemed hero of the Old Testament. According to historians he lived to be around 70 years of age from 1040 to 970 BC. David was a family man. He was married to Ahinoam the Jezreelitess, Abigail the Carmelitess, Maachah the daughter of Talmai king of Geshur, Haggith, Abital, Eglah, Michal, and Bathshua (Bathsheba) the daughter of Ammiel. 1 Samuel 19 also identifies Merab who was given to David by her father Saul.

David’s first wife was Michal who loved David very much (1 Samuel 18:18, 20). She was the key to David’s freedom from her father, King Saul, helping David to escape (1 Samuel 19). It is not reported that David loved Michal in return but he married her, perhaps to enhance his lineage and improve his claim to the throne. Perhaps David married her out of convenience and ambition and not love. In fact, when David married two more women, Abigail (after her first husband died, David praised God that she became eligible to be his wife) and Ahinoam, King Saul took Michal back to be married to another man, Palti, recognizing no longer her marriage to David—perhaps because Saul hated his enemy David out of jealousy (the king’s subjects adored David and placed their confidence in him), and because he understood that his daughter, Michal, was unloved and neglected by her husband.

When Saul died, David made it a point to have Michal brought back to him (2 Samuel 3:13-15) since he had paid the steep price of 100 Philistines killed by his sword for her. Michal’s new husband, Palti (according to King Saul’s “executive order” to annul her marriage to David), loved her and followed her along the way back to David weeping for her until he was sent home by David’s thugs. Anointed by God, David, a 30 year old man in the prime of his life, would become king over all of Israel. As king, David captured Jerusalem, moved into the Zion fortress, and called it the City of David. David conquered the Philistines and then gathered his troops (some 30,000 of them) to go to Baalah of Judah to retrieve the ark of the Lord, symbolic of the armies of heaven, which would proceed them into battle from that point forward.

A powerful trigger for David’s engaging in addictive behavior was victory and celebration. While David was in awe of the power of the Lord God, he was fearful of it. So much so that he did not want the ark of God in his home. For three months, David housed the ark of God at the house of a trusted friend, whom the Lord blessed richly while his friend held onto it. Then he had the ark of God returned to the palace and had it placed in a special tent.

As David celebrated his triumphs with invited guests, he danced before the Lord, wearing a priestly garment that appears to have exposed his sexuality before the servant girls of his wives. It is possible, if not likely that these young, possibly teenage girls were being subject to their king in a sexually predatory manner. David is there king, yet he also may very well be the man coming to their rooms when they were alone.

¹² Then Abner sent messengers to David, saying, “Doesn’t the entire land belong to you? Make a solemn pact with me, and I will help turn over all of Israel to you.”

¹³ “All right,” David replied, “but I will not negotiate with you unless you bring back my wife Michal, Saul’s daughter, when you come.”

¹⁴ David then sent this message to Ishbosheth, Saul’s son: “Give me back my wife Michal, for I bought her with the lives^[c] of 100 Philistines.”

¹⁵ So Ishbosheth took Michal away from her husband, Palti son of Laish. ¹⁶ Palti followed along behind her as far as Bahurim, weeping as he went. Then Abner told him, “Go back home!” So Palti returned. 2 Samuel 3:12-16 (NLT)

David’s first wife, Michal, he never loved romantically. Davide divorced (annulled his marriage) with Michal. She would remarry and be happy with someone who would love her, be intimate with her, and could have children with her. David would then later would barter for her return against her will (since she had happily remarried, which would have been allowable and ‘legal” considering David’s numerous adulterous affairs with multiple wives and Egyptian concubines.

²⁰ When David returned home to bless his own family, Michal, the daughter of Saul, came out to meet him. She said in disgust, “How distinguished the king of Israel looked today, shamelessly exposing himself to the servant girls like any vulgar person might do!”

²¹ David retorted to Michal, “I was dancing before the Lord, who chose me above your father and all his family! He appointed me as the leader of Israel, the people of the Lord, so I celebrate before the Lord. ²² Yes, and I am willing to look even more foolish than this, even to be humiliated in my own eyes! But those servant girls you mentioned will indeed think I am distinguished!” ²³ So Michal, the daughter of Saul, remained childless throughout her entire life. 2 Samuel 6:20-23, NLT

David was wearing a linen undergarment, resembling something of an an apron. It was thigh to knee length and would flop up as David danced. Did David deliberately expose himself before the servant girls? Or was David’s “nakedness” a symbol of humble worship before the Lord? Was David merely angry and used sarcasm to express his anger against Michal? Or was he making the point that he was chosen to lead? Is David’s point of appearing “distinguished” a reference to his genitalia? Or is David emphasizing that he is to be respected as God’s anointed king among the servants? Both rationales are possible depending on one’s perspective, interpretation, and motivation. My interpretation of this passage is that David’s obsession with women directed him to use his authority as king to have any woman he wanted whenever he wanted her, fitting the pattern of chronic sexual addiction.

Michal at one time loved David and was happy to be married to him. However, neglected by her husband David, her marriage to him was annulled, and she was given in marriage by her father to another, and grew to love that man as her husband. And then, forcefully reclaimed by David after her father died, Michal is installed back into this bizarre marriage with a this husband, David seems to have always had some sense of contempt for her. He appears to have sought out her counsel until she challenges him on a level that renders him uncomfortable. And there Michal would remain in a loveless marriage, not even with the honor of motherhood (since it is likely from Scripture that her and her husband, David. never consummated this marriage. So, Michal would never have children).

David would go on to marry four more women, a practice common to kings and wealthy men in David’s time though never sanctioned by God (Abraham had one wife; Isaac had one wife; and Jacob one wife upon his conversion). During that time he would be sexually active with young, perhaps very young (preadolescent) female Egyptian servants as well. David took on a number of what are referred to as concubines (“sort of” wives), and he would have children with them. Concubines were typically Egyptian slaves of the palace that with David (and then with Solomon) also provided sexual services for their master. However, with all of these women at his beckoned call throughout the palace, David still had some time alone to look out over the city. Perhaps he worried about his army in battle. Maybe he was concerned for his children. Could he have been in prayer for the nation under his reign? Or, I suppose it was possible that this king was feeling discontent in his circumstances and wondering what it was he was missing.

Once again, though David’s sin against God is terrifying, this not meant to be judgment against David any more than it is judgment of my own sin, and the nature of evil that lurks within me. There are certainly times when I am conflicted regarding my motivation in the behavioral choices I make. If I am entirely honest, I have schemed to get my way on something I didn’t deserve; episodes of coveting something (perhaps an opportunity personally or professionally) that belonged to someone else that I very much wanted for myself. There are moments when I go to God for what I want and perceive that I need with impure motives. And, I’m not in the position to simply reach out and take what I want (when I want it) the way David, the King of Israel, in this culture of depravity he may have lived in. (Not that the culture of the time is an excuse or justification for anything.)

What is causing the quarrels and fights among you? Don’t they come from the evil desires at war within you? ² You want what you don’t have, so you scheme and kill to get it. You are jealous of what others have, but you can’t get it, so you fight and wage war to take it away from them. Yet you don’t have what you want because you don’t ask God for it. ³ And even when you ask, you don’t get it because your motives are all wrong—you want only what will give you pleasure.

⁴ You adulterers! Don’t you realize that friendship with the world makes you an enemy of God? I say it again: If you want to be a friend of the world, you make yourself an enemy of God. ⁵ Do you think the Scriptures have no meaning? They say that God is passionate that the spirit he has placed within us should be faithful to him. ⁶ And he gives grace generously. As the Scriptures say,

⁷ So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. ⁸ Come close to God, and God will come close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between God and the world. ⁹ Let there be tears for what you have done. Let there be sorrow and deep grief. Let there be sadness instead of laughter, and gloom instead of joy. ¹⁰ Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up in honor.  James 4:1-10 (NLT)

David and Bathsheba

“When Nathan tells David the parable of the rich man who took the ewe, David is portrayed as stealing, not as two people running off together. Bathsheba is portrayed as an innocent lamb that is slaughtered. This is the exact imagery for rape from the Old Testament.” —Rachel Denhollander, Attorney, Advocate, and Author

There is huge debate among religious scholars, apparently wanting (needing) to protect the legacy of David, who appear to believe that once Bathsheba was in David’s company, she more than acquiesced to David’s intentions for her. There is often the suggestion that Bathsheba was attracted to David, and perhaps seized the opportunity to be David’s wife and the mother of the future king with governing authority. After all, there is scripture of David promising Bathsheba that their son, Solomon, would indeed be his successor.

I start with the biblical translation that clarifies that Bathsheba was engaged in a monthly purification—cleansing—ritual, washing herself after having her menstrual period. I have also included the translation more accurate to the original Hebrew text, and will explain why.

Late one afternoon, after his midday rest, David got out of bed and was walking on the roof of the palace. As he looked out over the city, he noticed a woman of unusual beauty taking a bath. He sent someone to find out who she was, and he was told, “She is Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam and the wife of Uriah the Hittite.”

Then David sent messengers to get her; and when she came to the palace, he slept with her. She had just completed the purification rites after having her menstrual period. Then she returned home.  2 Samuel 11:2-4 (NLT)

While looking out over the city from the palace roof, David’s eyes beheld the beauty of Bathsheba while she bathed. It was customary for a woman bathe in a pool or something adjacent to the living quarters. It is likely that Bathsheba and her husband, a military commander, lived very comfortably with walls around the property. Bathsheba is washing as a means of purification after her menstrual period. While she was likely within the walls of her property, not visible to anyone else, King David could Bathsheba clearly from his vantage point in the palace tower.

Some scholars suggest, that Bathsheba most likely was not naked. She probably had on a robe or gown as she washed. Either way, she caught the lustful eye of the king.  Apparently, the king had nothing better to do. It’s very possible, even likely, that this is not out of character for David. What the king wants, the king deserves. With responsibility as king, comes privilege as king.

In my research for the latest edition of this article, I came across the study of Richard M. Davidson, who himself lived in Jerusalem for time. Dr. Davidson is a religious scholar and professor of Old Testament Interpretation at Andrews University Theological Seminary in Michigan.

In his article, Did King David Rape Bathsheba? A Case Study in Narrative Theology, Dr. Davidson does an incredible job breaking down the original Hebrew text of 2nd Samuel, chapters 11 and 12. If you put the title of the article into your browser’s search, click on the pdf version of the article by Richard M. Davidson, to read it for yourself.

Dr. Davidson reveals clear indicators in the text from the scriptural text that David, as the primary subject, was absolutely in a position of power, and by way of his “messengers” (plural) takes Bathsheba, summoning her to the palace, as though she did not have a choice in the matter. David is the king, and though is a young woman of wealth, Bathsheba is a subject of the king. David then has sex with Bathsheba. Original translations of the text report that David “came to her”, meaning that he is in fact the initiator of the act.

Dr. Davidson also writes that David was likely engaging in something inappropriate while looking out from his roof in the twilight between afternoon and evening (dusk)when it’s typical to bathe on your property. According to Jewish custom, it is inconsiderate of the privacy of your neighbors if you’re in a position of being able to look down from a higher vantage point to watch. David is aware, and likely was intentional in taking a peek. As he glanced down from the balcony, his eye caught this beautiful young girl. I suppose at that point, he went from glancing at Bathsheba to gazing at her.

Dr. Davidson also refers to the punishment enforced upon David in 2 Samuel 12 when Nathan tells David that the same thing he did to Bathsheba, will be occur in his own experience as someone else lays down with his wives in full view, and that the same pattern of behavior will continue in David’s household.

You will read in this article that David’s son, Amnon, will take his half-sister, Tamar, once she is summoned by messenger to see him, and then Amnon rapes her.The difference between Tamar and Bathsheba is that Tamar knew her brother, and was fond of him. So she trusted him. Tamar said “no” to having sex with her brother, so he forced himself on her against her will raped her. Then, Amnon has Tamar taken away from him like the taking away of dirty dishes. She is devastated.

The consequence to Amnon is that he will be murdered by representatives of the family, as ordered by his brother, Absalom, who follow that up by attempting a military coup to take the kingdom from his father. The consequence to Absalom is that he is eventually killed by his father’s henchman (against David’s intentions). The rape of Tamar by Amnon, and the behavior that included murder, represents a pattern of behavior carried down by David to his sons, as prophesied by Nathan.

David’s son with Bathsheba, Solomon, reportedly had a thousand wives (700 wives and 300 concubines). How is that possible? Solomon was king for some 2000 weeks (almost 40 years). That’s a new wife every other week, give or take the number of Solomon’s wives before he became king. Unbelievable! Solomon took the Egyptian Pharaoh’s daughter to be his wife to cement a political alliance with Egypt. Is it possible that King Solomon, too, took young women against their will, made them wives, so that he had whoever he wanted, whenever he wanted her, whoever she was at any given time? Of course, it’s possible. How many were ordered into King Solomon’s bed at the same time?

King Solomon, however, loved many foreign women besides Pharaoh’s daughter—Moabites, Ammonites, Edomites, Sidonians and Hittites.  They were from nations about which the Lord had told the Israelites, “You must not intermarry with them, because they will surely turn your hearts after their gods.” Nevertheless, Solomon held fast to them in love. He had seven hundred wives of royal birth and three hundred concubines, and his wives led him astray. As Solomon grew old, his wives turned his heart after other gods, and his heart was not fully devoted to the Lord his God, as the heart of David his father had been. He followed Ashtoreth the goddess of the Sidonians, and Molek the detestable god of the Ammonites. So Solomon did evil in the eyes of the Lord; he did not follow the Lord completely, as David his father had done.

On a hill east of Jerusalem, Solomon built a high place for Chemosh the detestable god of Moab, and for Molek the detestable god of the Ammonites. He did the same for all his foreign wives, who burned incense and offered sacrifices to their gods.

The Lord became angry with Solomon because his heart had turned away from the Lord, the God of Israel, who had appeared to him twice. Although he had forbidden Solomon to follow other gods, Solomon did not keep the Lord’s command. So the Lord said to Solomon, “Since this is your attitude and you have not kept my covenant and my decrees, which I commanded you, I will most certainly tear the kingdom away from you and give it to one of your subordinates. 1 Kings 11:1-11 (NIV) 

Like father, like son.

Solomon also had people killed to serve his purposes. He took young brides away from their husbands, just like his father had done. He pillaged communities and nations for property, possessions, and immense wealth. He was particularly fond of Egyptian horses. Solomon took whatever he wanted and whomever he wanted. He often built temples to the foreign gods of his foreign wives. The evil, addictive behavior of Solomon went way beyond the scope of his father, David, of whom this article is about. My comments about Solomon are for perspective that demonstrate the powerful cycle of addictive thinking and behavior.

We, as the church community, are able to (justifiably) condemn the behavior of church leaders who have molested children and assaulted women. The church community has a tendency to villainize fallen preachers most often because of sexual (adulterous) sin and greed; especially greed and ambition that involves what is essentially stealing from parishioners; congregants. Typically, those who have fallen are gifted in preaching and teaching, healing, evangelism, prophecy, and can be so inspirational. We may wonder, how can someone so gifted fall like that?

Yet, we prop up David and Solomon as great men of wisdom and character without adequately considering their behavior, involving horrific atrocities. Like his father, David, there was much of the lifestyle of Solomon that today would rank with the most tyrannical of the world’s dictators of our day, when speaking of violations of human rights, social injustice, and so many more atrocities (genocide and slavery) of the past couple of centuries of so-called civility (compared to the thousands of years prior).

David gave us the Psalms, and Solomon gave us the Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, and Song of Solomon (sometimes referred to as Song of Songs). How is it possible that such profound literary works of great wisdom came from those guys?

I’ve digressed.

For the remainder of this article, I will stick with David’s issues as they pertain to the problem of addiction, and the redemptive and restorative theme of merciful grace and divine favor that is promised when the sinner’s heart is contrite and repentant.

The high and lofty one who lives in eternity, the Holy One, says this:
“I live in the high and holy place with those whose spirits are contrite and humble.
I restore the crushed spirit of the humble and revive the courage of those with repentant hearts.  Isaiah 57:15 (NLT)

We read that David is a man of God. That being the case, he is a deeply flawed man of God, as many of us men are, even in the pursuit of godliness as men of faith.

Each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.  James 1:14-15 (ESV)

The king coveted something, and in this case someone, that was not his. David made up his mind that this was going to happen. So, what if she was fifteen or so years old. So what if she was married. So what if David was a married man. So what if she was married to one of his commanders in the army. Consequence? What consequence? Consequence, be damned; this is happening!

David was also sexually active with Egyptian concubines, the servants of his wives. He had children with them that are not recorded historically as his. Were many or most of them also teenage girls, victims of traumatic sexual assault committed by the king?

David, the man after God’s own heart, is not all that concerned about how God will respond to what he has in mind for young Bathsheba; an adolescent child. It’s already a pattern of behavior, so why would this be any different?

King David sent messengers to retrieve her. Bathsheba was brought to the king, who had sexual relations with her. Was Bathsheba a willing participant? Could she have been ambitious enough that she was a willing participant, intentionally seducing the king from her roof, and then got what she wanted? Was she was advised by by the king’s messenger that he values her company, and would like to get to know her better, and then went willingly to the king? Was Bathsheba, once in David’s company seduced by the king, and willingly became intimate with the King of Israel?

Or, does it make more sense that David had her brought to him with one thing in mind, to have sex with this young teenage girl, whether she was willing or not? Was this sexual assault… rape? I think so. Even if neither Bathsheba or David was unmarried, what David did is despicable. It’s still rape!

It’s important to note that if Bathsheba was recently in an arranged marriage she most likely would have been a young teenager and that much more vulnerable. She may have willingly gone to the king’s quarters to hear of news about her husband, a commander in the Israeli army. Imagine the sudden fright Bathsheba experienced when she realized this was more than news about her husband, and much more than a casual visit.

Now ladies, imagine for just a second, that your husband did something like that with the neighbor’s teenage daughter sunbathing by the pool. Her parents (possibly, your neighbor friends) are not home, and your husband somehow lures the girl into the house. Maybe, you’re not home, and somehow he got her into your house. Somehow, you find out that they had sex. What happens next?

Men, even if you had a curious fantasy about the girl by the pool, as fleeting as it might be, can you imagine actually acting on it? Not only would it be adultery, and bring an end to your marriage and family life as you know it, IT’S A CRIMINAL ACT! It would end your life as you know it! King David, on the other hand? Not a problem. What consequence?

I apologize if you, man or woman, are sickened by this. Upon examination of 2nd Samuel in the Old Testament, you’ll see that this is most likely what occurred between David and Bathsheba. And though there was no legal consequence to David, God saw the whole thing. God allowed the choices of the anointed king to play out.

(Please understand that the point of emphasizing the severity of David’s addictive, horrifically deviant, sin is to bring into focus the merciful grace of God whenever any sinner repents.)

Whether adultery or rape, these would not be David’s only crimes. When learning that Bathsheba became pregnant, it was obvious to David that the baby was his since her husband, Uriah had been away in battle for months. David got word to Uriah to take some leave and spend some quality time with his wife and family. If Uriah made love to his wife, it would not so be untimely that Bathsheba’s pregnancy would be the outcome of her time with her husband. But Uriah, out of respect for his fellow soldiers, warriors in the midst of battle, would not allow himself to experience pleasure by sleeping with his wife (I suppose a custom of nobility of some kind).

When Uriah arrived, David asked him how Joab and the army were getting along and how the war was progressing. Then he told Uriah, “Go on home and relax.” David even sent a gift to Uriah after he had left the palace. But Uriah didn’t go home. He slept that night at the palace entrance with the king’s palace guard.

When David heard that Uriah had not gone home, he summoned him and asked, “What’s the matter? Why didn’t you go home last night after being away for so long?” Uriah replied, “The Ark and the armies of Israel and Judah are living in tents, and Joab and my master’s men are camping in the open fields. How could I go home to wine and dine and sleep with my wife? I swear that I would never do such a thing.”

“Well, stay here today,” David told him, “and tomorrow you may return to the army.” So Uriah stayed in Jerusalem that day and the next. Then David invited him to dinner and got him drunk. But even then he couldn’t get Uriah to go home to his wife. Again he slept at the palace entrance with the king’s palace guard.  2 Samuel 11:7-13

“You’ve got to be kidding. I got him drunk; sent a gift with him that would enhance the mood, but… Now what do I do? The people can’t know that I am so heartless as to sleep with a commander’s wife while he’s fighting for our country. How now do I cover up this  mess (addictive behavior) I’ve gotten myself into?” Typical of addicted people is that as mistakes are made it becomes imperative to cover it up through lies and deceit. “The more I mess up, the more I gotta cover and lie; and the more I cover and lie, the bigger my mess.”

So the next morning David wrote a letter to Joab and gave it to Uriah to deliver. The letter instructed Joab, “Station Uriah on the front lines where the battle is fiercest. Then pull back so that he will be killed.” So Joab assigned Uriah to a spot close to the city wall where he knew the enemy’s strongest men were fighting. And when the enemy soldiers came out of the city to fight, Uriah the Hittite was killed along with several other Israelite soldiers.  2 Samuel 11:14-17 (NLT)

When Uriah’s wife heard that her husband was dead, she mourned for him. ²⁷ When the period of mourning was over, David sent for her and brought her to the palace, and she became one of his wives. Then she gave birth to a son. But the Lord was displeased with what David had done.  2 Samuel 11:26-27 (NLT)

“David wasn’t becoming more and more wicked, David was becoming more and more insane.” —Pastor Josh Fenska, Redeemer Community Church

At least for a time, David hadn’t a clue how his behavioral choices affected anyone else other than himself. His commander and friend would be killed. Uriah’s blood was on David’s hands. An entire family on Uriah’s side of things would be devastated. David’s wives must have been horrified, whether they actually knew anything about the event, or were simply left with obvious suspicions when Bathsheba’s husband is killed in battle, David marries her, and soon after she shows that she is pregnant.

Bathsheba lived it. If she was raped by the king, impregnated by the man, and having to marry her rapist with barely a week to process this trauma, barely any time to grieve the death of the man she loved, how is she ever truly happy with him? Or, does she in some jaded fashion, learn to live with it in order to somehow survive the rest of her life, a loving mother to the children she would later have with the king (Solomon).

Is that how it was for each of David’s wives, in lieu of these accounts of this king’s behavior?

David Confesses

Before moving on to the famous and romantically portrayed confession regarding his sin of sexual assault and murder, I would like you to consider this. Confession and repentance are not necessarily the same thing. Repentance suggests a willingness and effort to terminate the pattern of sinful behavior, empowered by the Holy Spirit of God. David, however, has most likely continued the pattern of behavior confessed with such raw emotion in Psalm 51. There is a confession of another kind, written by David much later in life, that is quite pitiful. It sounds as though David is desperately begging God to stop punishing him. He sounds like an addict suffering from withdrawal. Whatever David’s addictions (drugs, sex, wealth, power, risk, jealousy, resentment, worry), they had taken their toll. Take a look, from Psalm 38.

As the story goes, King David was so caught up in himself that he did not consider the gravity of his egregious behavior against even the most fundamental precepts of God as it pertains to creation, life, and worship to God. David had lost his way; that is until Nathan, his trusted advisor and beloved friend, got up the courage to confront his friend who was, first and foremost, King of Israel. Here is what Nathan the prophet said to David:

“There were two men in a certain town. One was rich, and one was poor. The rich man owned a great many sheep and cattle. The poor man owned nothing but one little lamb he had bought. He raised that little lamb, and it grew up with his children. It ate from the man’s own plate and drank from his cup. He cuddled it in his arms like a baby daughter. One day a guest arrived at the home of the rich man. But instead of killing an animal from his own flock or herd, he took the poor man’s lamb and killed it and prepared it for his guest.”

David was furious. “As surely as the Lord lives,” he vowed, “any man who would do such a thing deserves to die! He must repay four lambs to the poor man for the one he stole and for having no pity.”

Then Nathan said to David, “You are that man! The Lord, the God of Israel, says: I anointed you king of Israel and saved you from the power of Saul. I gave you your master’s house and his wives and the kingdoms of Israel and Judah. And if that had not been enough, I would have given you much, much more. Why, then, have you despised the word of the Lord and done this horrible deed? For you have murdered Uriah the Hittite with the sword of the Ammonites and stolen his wife.”  2 Samuel 12:1-9 (NLT)

Nathan would go on to prophecy that David would experience the circumstances of his addictive sin. David’s first newborn child with Bathsheba became sick and died. The consequences are what they are and David’s family would reap what they sowed. David fell prostrate on the ground and repented of his sin to God, from which we get the following famous Psalm of repentance, Psalm 51:

¹ Have mercy on me, O God, because of your unfailing love.
Because of your great compassion, blot out the stain of my sins.
² Wash me clean from my guilt. Purify me from my sin.
³ For I recognize my rebellion; it haunts me day and night.
⁴ Against you, and you alone, have I sinned; I have done what is evil in your sight.
You will be proved right in what you say, and your judgment against me is just.
⁵ For I was born a sinner— yes, from the moment my mother conceived me.
⁶ But you desire honesty from the womb, teaching me wisdom even there.

⁷ Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
⁸ Oh, give me back my joy again; you have broken me—now let me rejoice.
⁹ Don’t keep looking at my sins. Remove the stain of my guilt.
¹⁰ Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a loyal spirit within me.
¹¹ Do not banish me from your presence, and don’t take your Holy Spirit from me.

¹² Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and make me willing to obey you.
¹³ Then I will teach your ways to rebels, and they will return to you.
¹⁴ Forgive me for shedding blood, O God who saves; then I will joyfully sing of your forgiveness.
¹⁵ Unseal my lips, O Lord, that my mouth may praise you.

¹⁶ You do not desire a sacrifice, or I would offer one. You do not want a burnt offering.
¹⁷ The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.
¹⁸ Look with favor on Zion and help her; rebuild the walls of Jerusalem.
¹⁹ Then you will be pleased with sacrifices offered in the right spirit—with burnt offerings and whole burnt offerings. Then bulls will again be sacrificed on your altar.

What an incredible prayer of repentance. David hit all the right notes. He did know the heart of God. He understood that no matter how vile and deviant his sin, and no matter who all he violated as a result of his sin, ultimately all that mattered was that he sinned against God. He violated the law of God carrying with it the most severe of consequences. David spoke of his sin as being guilty of hostile rebellion and evil. It would require the mercy of a compassionate God of unfailing love to be cleansed of his guilt and shame. It would require this king to be completely broken and contrite before God to experience true repentance. David knew intellectually that any act of sacrificial worship would need to be from this broken repentant heart since if his lifestyle did not reflect as such his acts of praise to God would be in vain. He cannot worship two masters. To worship by living to please himself would render his praise to God as insincere and nullify the benefit of true spiritual worship in his life.

So the question for David is the same as it would be for you and me: What in the life of David changed? Consider the following passage from 2nd Samuel, chapter 12:

¹³ Then David confessed to Nathan, “I have sinned against the Lord.”

Nathan replied, “Yes, but the Lord has forgiven you, and you won’t die for this sin. ¹⁴ Nevertheless, because you have shown utter contempt for the word of the Lord by doing this, your child will die.”

¹⁵ After Nathan returned to his home, the Lord sent a deadly illness to the child of David and Uriah’s wife. ¹⁶ David begged God to spare the child. He went without food and lay all night on the bare ground. ¹⁷ The elders of his household pleaded with him to get up and eat with them, but he refused.

¹⁸ Then on the seventh day the child died. David’s advisers were afraid to tell him. “He wouldn’t listen to reason while the child was ill,” they said. “What drastic thing will he do when we tell him the child is dead?”

¹⁹ When David saw them whispering, he realized what had happened. “Is the child dead?” he asked.

“Yes,” they replied, “he is dead.”

²⁰ Then David got up from the ground, washed himself, put on lotions, and changed his clothes. He went to the Tabernacle and worshiped the Lord. After that, he returned to the palace and was served food and ate.

²¹ His advisers were amazed. “We don’t understand you,” they told him. “While the child was still living, you wept and refused to eat. But now that the child is dead, you have stopped your mourning and are eating again.”  2 Samuel 12:13-21 (NLT)

²² David replied, “I fasted and wept while the child was alive, for I said, ‘Perhaps the Lord will be gracious to me and let the child live.’ ²³ But why should I fast when he is dead? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him one day, but he cannot return to me.”

²⁴ Then David comforted Bathsheba, his wife, and slept with her. She became pregnant and gave birth to a son, and David named him Solomon. The Lord loved the child ²⁵ and sent word through Nathan the prophet that they should name him Jedidiah (which means “beloved of the Lord”), as the Lord had commanded.  2 Samuel 12:13-24 (NLT)

We have this wonderful record of David’s prayer from Psalm 51. Was David writing a prayerful note to God as he prayed and fasted for his dying son? David fasted for a week. When his newborn son died, David returned to the temple to worship, whatever that meant to David, in the light of these circumstances. Maybe it true worship, or perhaps a ritualistic formality and process, of some kind. Who can know? Only God knows. It’s not for me to judge. David, today, is in the presence of Jesus in glory, as is Bathsheba, Uriah, and most of those mentioned in this article.

It is suspect to me that considering the trauma suffered repeatedly by Bathsheba by David’s behavior regarding her, that she would find comfort in his arms; the man who nine months prior, forced himself upon her and then murder the husband she treasured. Was she resigned to her fate as another one of this tyrant’s wives, and so came to love him? Or, is this a case when a man of such power and privilege held Bathsheba intending to comfort her, as she cringed in another moment of her post-traumatic experience only to perhaps be traumatized again and again as her murderous/rapist husband penetrated her in her bed in the hopes of bearing beautiful children with his beautiful young wife of (what?) sixteen years of age or so?

No matter the traditional customs of 1000 B.C or there abouts, terror is terror to a young girl, and trauma is trauma. In the way the scripture is written, it appears it wasn’t long before David was intimate with Bathsheba. Had God given Bathsheba the grace to love this man, God’s anointed King of Israel, or would she beg God to protect her from him… to comfort her, and to give her strength to withstand his advances and endure her suffering? No doubt, during a time when women were treated as not much more than caregivers of children, caretakers of their home, and playthings for men’s gratification, was she told by other women that it was her duty as a wife to oblige her husband sexually; regardless of their history together.

For the sake of full disclosure, I will inform you that there are scholarly types with material (that you can easily find on the internet) that will suggest a completely different story pertaining to this account; flipping this script entirely. They will claim that this beautiful young siren, Bathsheba, shrewdly lured David into paying attention to her as she openly and provocatively bathed, perhaps unclothed, in clear view of the king’s palace balcony. They’ll suggest that the scriptural reference to Bathsheba’s purification time of cleansing during her menstrual cycle is a deliberate cue to David that, not only does she want to be intimate with the king, but desires to bear his child.

These scholarly types would like you to believe that Bathsheba is motivated by ambition and greed to rule with a son on the throne promised by the king around the time of Solomon’s birth; something she would contend for as David neared death, even though another successor had already been appointed.

I suppose the story could be spun to suggest that this young, most likely, teenage girl could be so manipulative as to set in play this incredible cycle of events; including her own pregnancy, and the murder of her husband. About that, they would also like you to believe that Uriah would not go to his wife when his commander in chief summoned him because he had been told of their affair, perhaps even her pregnancy, and wanted nothing to do with her. So, David would send Uriah back into combat to have him killed; which likely resulted in the death of other Jewish soldiers.

The Reality of Consequences

Was it the intentional plan of God that a man be married to more than one woman… ever… whether in this day and age, or during biblical times?

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him… This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.”  Genesis 2:18, 24 (NLT)

It is made clear in Scripture that God intended for one man and one woman to be united into marriage. While Moses wrote (Deuteronomy 21:15-17) that a man could be married more than once, it was in direct contrast to the unity God intended for marriage. Not only was David married to all of these women, but we are informed by Scripture that he was sexually involved with numerous other women (concubines) that were servants of his many wives. If the king found the woman attractive, he would not deny his sexual urges but rather give in to those urges whenever inclined to do so. While this was considered typical, even acceptable social behavior, I suppose we are to believe that it was harmless fun within the friendly confines of marriage and family, and that all participants were delighted with this arrangement of sexual freedom.

Sexual freedom, or sexually deviant addictive behavior? Let us continue the examination.

This sexual freedom in the immediate family of David produced dozens of children, the Book of 1 Chronicles lists David’s sons by various wives and concubines. In Hebron he had six sons: Amnon, by Ahinoam; Daniel, by Abigail; Absalom, by Maachah; Adonijah, by Haggith; Shephatiah, by Abital; and Ithream, by Eglah. By Bathsheba, his sons were Shammua; Shobab; Nathan; and Solomon. His sons born in Jerusalem by other wives included: Ibhar; Elishua; Eliphelet; Nogah; Nepheg; Japhia; Elishama; and Eliada. According to 2 Chronicles 11:18, Jerimoth, who is not mentioned in any of the genealogies, is mentioned as another of David’s sons. According to 2 Samuel 9:11, David adopted Jonathan’s son Mephibosheth as his own. David also had at least one daughter, Tamar by Maachah. In addition to the documented children from his wives were the children from his concubines. David was king for more than 30 years and produced at least as many children.

Imagine the confusion and complexity of emotion in a family of that size under what was essentially one roof in the presidential palace that they all lived in together. All of these children with different mothers as half-brothers and sisters living as one giant community. It was as combustible a blended family situation as one could imagine. Probably not all of the time, but as children grew up it is reported in The Old Testament that at least one sexual attraction developed between David’s oldest son, Amnon, and his daughter, Tamar. Amnon and Tamar have different mothers. One can presume that Tamar was quite fond of Amnon, but understood plainly that he was her brother, even though a half-brother. For Amnon, heir to David’s throne, though he could have married any woman/women of his choosing, was so drawn by his attraction to Tamar that he had to have her.

¹ Now David’s son Absalom had a beautiful sister named Tamar. And Amnon, her half brother, fell desperately in love with her. ² Amnon became so obsessed with Tamar that he became ill. She was a virgin, and Amnon thought he could never have her.

³ But Amnon had a very crafty friend—his cousin Jonadab. He was the son of David’s brother Shimea. ⁴One day Jonadab said to Amnon, “What’s the trouble? Why should the son of a king look so dejected morning after morning?” So Amnon told him, “I am in love with Tamar, my brother Absalom’s sister.” ⁵ “Well,” Jonadab said, “I’ll tell you what to do. Go back to bed and pretend you are ill. When your father comes to see you, ask him to let Tamar come and prepare some food for you. Tell him you’ll feel better if she prepares it as you watch and feeds you with her own hands.”

⁶ So Amnon lay down and pretended to be sick. And when the king came to see him, Amnon asked him, “Please let my sister Tamar come and cook my favorite dish as I watch. Then I can eat it from her own hands.” ⁷ So David agreed and sent Tamar to Amnon’s house to prepare some food for him.

⁸ When Tamar arrived at Amnon’s house, she went to the place where he was lying down so he could watch her mix some dough. Then she baked his favorite dish for him. ⁹ But when she set the serving tray before him, he refused to eat. “Everyone get out of here,” Amnon told his servants. So they all left. ¹⁰ Then he said to Tamar, “Now bring the food into my bedroom and feed it to me here.” So Tamar took his favorite dish to him. ¹¹ But as she was feeding him, he grabbed her and demanded, “Come to bed with me, my darling sister.” ¹² “No, my brother!” she cried. “Don’t be foolish! Don’t do this to me! Such wicked things aren’t done in Israel. ¹³ Where could I go in my shame? And you would be called one of the greatest fools in Israel. Please, just speak to the king about it, and he will let you marry me.”

¹⁴ But Amnon wouldn’t listen to her, and since he was stronger than she was, he raped her. ¹⁵ Then suddenly Amnon’s love turned to hate, and he hated her even more than he had loved her. “Get out of here!” he snarled at her. ¹⁶ “No, no!” Tamar cried. “Sending me away now is worse than what you’ve already done to me.” But Amnon wouldn’t listen to her. ¹⁷ He shouted for his servant and demanded, “Throw this woman out, and lock the door behind her!” ¹⁸ So the servant put her out and locked the door behind her. She was wearing a long, beautiful robe, as was the custom in those days for the king’s virgin daughters. ¹⁹ But now Tamar tore her robe and put ashes on her head. And then, with her face in her hands, she went away crying.

²⁰ Her brother Absalom saw her and asked, “Is it true that Amnon has been with you? Well, my sister, keep quiet for now, since he’s your brother. Don’t you worry about it.” So Tamar lived as a desolate woman in her brother Absalom’s house. ²¹ When King David heard what had happened, he was very angry. ²² And though Absalom never spoke to Amnon about this, he hated Amnon deeply because of what he had done to his sister.  2 Samuel 13:1-22 (NLT)

Imagine seeing this graphic scene in a movie. You would be horrified. What we are dealing with here are the logical, sensible consequences of addiction. It is entirely possible that the scene portrayed in 2 Samuel 13 between Amnon and Tamar is eerily similar to the scene between David and Bathsheba. It is possible that David had nothing more to do with Bathsheba until discovering that she was pregnant. In David’s case it was not incest with Bathsheba but it was at the very least adultery, and possibly it was rape. In either case, with all that David had in his garden of Eden kingdom, it was an addiction that required gratification.

So far, 2 Samuel 13 has been about addiction that led to incestuous rape, but the rest of the chapter tells the story of murderous revenge. Absalom would let enough time tick off the clock (two years) that Amnon would let his guard down leaving him vulnerable to his brother’s scheme of revenge. Amnon fell into Absalom’s trap as Absalom got Amnon drunk and persuaded all of King David’s sons to kill Amnon and they did.

Ah, sweet revenge. Is there anything more obsessive than the drive for revenge when one is seething in resentment. Rage, resentment and revenge was the code that David lived by when you examine the story behind the story. Rape, revenge, murder, shame and mourning. Like father, like sons. Victims and villains caught up in the vice grip of addiction. (Even David’s son Solomon, who would succeed David as king, repeated the sins of his father many times over—Deuteronomy 17:16-17, 1 Kings 11)

As they were on the way back to Jerusalem, this report reached David: “Absalom has killed all the king’s sons; not one is left alive!” The king got up, tore his robe, and threw himself on the ground. His advisers also tore their clothes in horror and sorrow.  2 Samuel 13:30-31 (NLT)

Would it soften the blow, lessen the pain for David that only Amnon was dead and now Absalom was fleeing for his life having given the order to murder his brother. (Sort of like a mob hit; the one giving the orders is ultimately held responsible.) Absalom would stay away for three years only to resurface (when David relented and reconciled with this son) to plot and scheme how to deceive and conquer the will of his father by aligning with enough of the military to actually drive his father out of the city of David into hiding; that is until the king would turn the tables and chase down Absalom. King David gave strict orders that those still aligned with Absalom be defeated and killed but that Absalom’s life be spared. However, when Joab and his men found Absalom helpless, caught by his hair hanging from a tree branch after his horse raced under it, they knew that to extinguish any future threat of risk that lie in wake in this bad seed, they needed to kill him and so they did just that; reporting to the king that Absalom’s death was in the chaos of the battle (2 Samuel 14-18).

²⁴ While David was sitting between the inner and outer gates of the town, the watchman climbed to the roof of the gateway by the wall. As he looked, he saw a lone man running toward them. ²⁵ He shouted the news down to David, and the king replied, “If he is alone, he has news.” As the messenger came closer, ²⁶ the watchman saw another man running toward them. He shouted down, “Here comes another one!” The king replied, “He also will have news.” ²⁷ “The first man runs like Ahimaaz son of Zadok,” the watchman said. “He is a good man and comes with good news,” the king replied.

²⁸ Then Ahimaaz cried out to the king, “Everything is all right!” He bowed before the king with his face to the ground and said, “Praise to the Lord your God, who has handed over the rebels who dared to stand against my lord the king.” ²⁹ “What about young Absalom?” the king demanded. “Is he all right?” Ahimaaz replied, “When Joab told me to come, there was a lot of commotion. But I didn’t know what was happening.” ³⁰ “Wait here,” the king told him. So Ahimaaz stepped aside.

³¹ Then the man from Ethiopia arrived and said, “I have good news for my lord the king. Today the Lord has rescued you from all those who rebelled against you.” ³² “What about young Absalom?” the king demanded. “Is he all right?” And the Ethiopian replied, “May all of your enemies, my lord the king, both now and in the future, share the fate of that young man!”

³³ The king was overcome with emotion. He went up to the room over the gateway and burst into tears. And as he went, he cried, “O my son Absalom! My son, my son Absalom! If only I had died instead of you! O Absalom, my son, my son.”  2 Samuel 18:24-33 (NLT)

Rock Bottom

David experienced the full weight of addiction’s consequences. He had come full circle in the cycle of addiction and finally hit rock bottom. Except at the bottom he was beaten up physically, emotionally, and spiritually. From what I am about to show you from Psalm 38, David is not sure how to express himself to God as he cries out to Him. It is from a broken spirit from a deeply wounded man who cannot take another thing. It also sounds like a man so broken and powerless before God that he is done chasing after the next thing for gratification since there is nothing left to gratify him. Booze won’t do it for him. Sex won’t do it for him. Possessions won’t do it for him. Being worshiped and adored by the people won’t do it. His family has withdrawn from him. He has lost the respect of a nation, and his reign is again in jeopardy. David is in the throes of severe grief; his heart is broken; he may even be experiencing symptoms of withdrawal from alcohol or something that has affected his physical body; but whatever it is, he is dying inside. (Below is Psalm 38 in its entirety.)

¹ O Lord, don’t rebuke me in your anger or discipline me in your rage! ² Your arrows have struck deep, and your blows are crushing me. ³ Because of your anger, my whole body is sick; my health is broken because of my sins. ⁴ My guilt overwhelms me—it is a burden too heavy to bear. ⁵ My wounds fester and stink because of my foolish sins. ⁶ I am bent over and racked with pain. All day long I walk around filled with grief. ⁷ A raging fever burns within me, and my health is broken. ⁸ I am exhausted and completely crushed. My groans come from an anguished heart. ⁹ You know what I long for, Lord; you hear my every sigh. ¹⁰ My heart beats wildly, my strength fails, and I am going blind. ¹¹ My loved ones and friends stay away, fearing my disease. Even my own family stands at a distance.

¹² Meanwhile, my enemies lay traps to kill me. Those who wish me harm make plans to ruin me. All day long they plan their treachery. ¹³ But I am deaf to all their threats. I am silent before them as one who cannot speak. ¹⁴ I choose to hear nothing, and I make no reply. ¹⁵ For I am waiting for you, O Lord. You must answer for me, O Lord my God. ¹⁶ I prayed, “Don’t let my enemies gloat over me or rejoice at my downfall.” ¹⁷ I am on the verge of collapse, facing constant pain.

¹⁸ But I confess my sins; I am deeply sorry for what I have done. ¹⁹ I have many aggressive enemies; they hate me without reason. ²⁰ They repay me evil for good and oppose me for pursuing good. ²¹ Do not abandon me, O Lord. Do not stand at a distance, my God. ²² Come quickly to help me, O Lord my savior.  Psalm 38 (NLT)

Is it really without reason that David has enemies? To one degree or another, David has made enemies of the ones he loves the most. For much of his life, David has been the worst villain of them all. Now, he sees himself as the victim.

What now? Where does David go from here?

David was confronted by Joab (2 Samuel 19) who told him if he didn’t pull it together he would lose everything; sooner than later. David needed to sober up quickly or it was all over for him. That is how it is for anyone paralyzed by addiction. David acknowledged in Psalm 38 that the power of addiction in his life was so much bigger than he was, and that he would need the only One bigger than the power of his addiction and its consequences.

For a long time I considered David’s crying out in this fashion as a kind of victim pleading for mercy, rather than the repentant determination of David’s Psalm 51 confession that reads with a great deal of humility. His Psalm 38 confession has always wreaked of self-pity that I found a bit pathetic. However, upon further review I have come to realize that this confession (Psalm 38 was written years, maybe a decade or two after Psalm 51) is real. The emotion of this confession is raw and authentic. It not only contains an honest contriteness, but includes the anger and self-loathing of a man without answers who cannot turn back the clock for a do-over with a lifetime of regret. David, like anyone, if he knew then what he knows now, would have done a number of things quite differently. The problem with that is that he could not know then. He didn’t have the pain as his incentive to do things differently.

Repentance, Redemption, and Restoration

In the end through all of the ups and downs in David’s life, Faithful God saved him from his enemies. David had a repentant heart. And every single time that David went to Merciful God by confession seeking forgiveness, God was faithful to forgive him. Why? Because God loves his sons and daughters, and God loved David.

You might wonder, how sincere was David’s confession if he turned around and repeated the same sin again and again and again. I think it is safe to assume that David led a very conflicted life. When he was so caught up in self-centered obsessions and addictive behavior, like any addict, he did not have foresight to realize he was in the wrong and that his thoughts and actions on those thoughts and feelings was so destructive to himself, his family, and others. Whenever he came into awareness of his faults and sinful behavior he went to God in all sincerity and confessed his sin. With a broken humble spirit David confessed his sin and repented before the Lord. God forgave David and restored him.

As time wound down toward the end of David’s life, he sang the following from 2 Samuel 22:

“The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; ³ my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety. He is my refuge, my savior, the one who saves me from violence. ⁴ I called on the Lord, who is worthy of praise, and he saved me from my enemies. ⁵ “The waves of death overwhelmed me; floods of destruction swept over me. ⁶ The grave wrapped its ropes around me; death laid a trap in my path. ⁷ But in my distress I cried out to the Lord; yes, I cried to my God for help. He heard me from his sanctuary; my cry reached his ears.

²⁰ He led me to a place of safety; he rescued me because he delights in me. ²¹ The Lord rewarded me for doing right; he restored me because of my innocence. ²² For I have kept the ways of the Lord; I have not turned from my God to follow evil. ²³ I have followed all his regulations; I have never abandoned his decrees. ²⁴ I am blameless before God; I have kept myself from sin. ²⁵ The Lord rewarded me for doing right. He has seen my innocence.

⁴⁷ “The Lord lives! Praise to my Rock! May God, the Rock of my salvation, be exalted!”

As I read this psalm of worship from the lips of David, I ponder the question, “Is David delusional? He speaks of his innocence as having never sinned. The thing is: God is faithful! When He cleansed David of all unrighteousness, He washed him white as snow. The slate was wiped clean; a new start; renewed in the grace of Almighty God. It’s as if David never sinned in the eyes of God. David confessed his sin, and God was faithful and just to forgive him (1 John 1:9). In addition to David, there are so many more examples in Scripture of this unimaginable mercy—Paul (murder), Mary Magdalene (demon possession), Peter (denied knowing Jesus), the thief on the cross (crimes against humanity), you and me.

²¹ But now God has shown us a way to be made right with him without keeping the requirements of the law, as was promised in the writings of Moses and the prophets long ago. ²² We are made right with God by placing our faith in Jesus Christ. And this is true for everyone who believes, no matter who we are. ²³ For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard. ²⁴ Yet God, with undeserved kindness, declares that we are righteous. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty for our sins.

²⁵ For God presented Jesus as the sacrifice for sin. People are made right with God when they believe that Jesus sacrificed his life, shedding his blood. This sacrifice shows that God was being fair when he held back and did not punish those who sinned in times past, ²⁶ for he was looking ahead and including them in what he would do in this present time. God did this to demonstrate his righteousness, for he himself is fair and just, and he declares sinners to be right in his sight when they believe in Jesus. ²⁷ Can we boast, then, that we have done anything to be accepted by God? No, because our acquittal is not based on obeying the law. It is based on faith. ²⁸ So we are made right with God through faith and not by obeying the law.  Romans 3:21-28 (NLT)

One might say, “Grace? Jesus hadn’t been to the cross yet when David declared his innocence.” God has always been a compassionate merciful gracious God of unfailing love. David was God’s servant—a man after His own heart—and when he experienced the mercy of his Lord it was indeed an experience. In fact, when you read the words of David from 2 Samuel 22, you get the sense that David was keenly aware of the Messiah (by revelation from God’s Spirit) as the Savior from his selfish sin. He seemed to have relationship with Immanuel, meaning “God is with us” (Isaiah 7:14). David experienced the mercy of the Lord.

It was only fair—just—that God forgive David of his past. Fair to whom? Where is the justice for the Uriahs of the world—the victims of the perpetrators of sin? The truth of the matter is that while Uriah was a victim of David’s selfishness, He was a perpetrator of selfish sin against victims of his selfishness. We are all victims as well as perpetrators of selfish sin. God’s demonstration of His idea of justice applies to repentant perpetrators and to their victims. Jesus died that all would have new life. It is only just and fair to God that all who repent receive the gift of the sacrifice of His Son since all have fallen short of God’s standard without grace. David was the recipient of the gracious gift of new life just as you and I are.

The point here for you is that no matter what you have thought, felt, or done, nothing can keep you from the love of God, and if you humbly confess your sin with a sincere heart, nothing can keep you or hide you from the mercy of God. You can experience the innocence that David knew in his experience whenever he repented of his selfish addictive sin (“I am blameless before God”).

David said, “May God, the Rock of my salvation, be exalted!” The most meaningful synonym of the word ‘salvation’ is recovery. This is what David experienced and what God would love for you to experience today. Please, even now, reach out to a reachable accessible Father and tell Him whatever it is you need to tell Him, and discover a wonderful treasure that will set your soul free and lead you into the new life experience of real peace and real joy.

In the end, David was about building the Temple to the Lord. While David experienced a history of addiction to selfishness that led to consequences beyond imagination suffered by his family as well as an entire nation—Hundreds of thousands of people were directly impacted by David’s choices as a result of obsession and addiction to self—his legacy would include his commitment to doing the work required to fulfill the plan and purpose of God.

Then King David turned to the entire assembly and said, “My son Solomon, whom God has clearly chosen as the next king of Israel, is still young and inexperienced. The work ahead of him is enormous, for the Temple he will build is not for mere mortals—it is for the Lord God himself! Using every resource at my command, I have gathered as much as I could for building the Temple of my God. Now there is enough gold, silver, bronze, iron, and wood, as well as great quantities of onyx, other precious stones, costly jewels, and all kinds of fine stone and marble. “And now, because of my devotion to the Temple of my God, I am giving all of my own private treasures of gold and silver to help in the construction. This is in addition to the building materials I have already collected for his holy Temple.  1 Chronicles 29:1-3 (NLT)

David became fearless in his pursuit of obediently serving the Lord God in preparation of the Temple. His heart of repentant obedience and commitment to serving of God was the crowning jewel of a roller coaster existence. David’s recovery and final legacy ultimately was a 180 degree turn from doing whatever he could to gratify is addictive impulses to giving everything back to God that was God’s (on loan to David) in the first place. He surrendered all of his prosperous resources and wealth to the building of the Temple, a place where the Spirit of God would literally dwell.

Then David praised the Lord in the presence of the whole assembly:

“O Lord, the God of our ancestor Israel, may you be praised forever and ever! Yours, O Lord, is the greatness, the power, the glory, the victory, and the majesty. Everything in the heavens and on earth is yours, O Lord, and this is your kingdom. We adore you as the one who is over all things. Wealth and honor come from you alone, for you rule over everything. Power and might are in your hand, and at your discretion people are made great and given strength.

“O our God, we thank you and praise your glorious name! But who am I, and who are my people, that we could give anything to you? Everything we have has come from you, and we give you only what you first gave us! We are here for only a moment, visitors and strangers in the land as our ancestors were before us. Our days on earth are like a passing shadow, gone so soon without a trace. “O Lord our God, even this material we have gathered to build a Temple to honor your holy name comes from you! It all belongs to you! I know, my God, that you examine our hearts and rejoice when you find integrity there. You know I have done all this with good motives, and I have watched your people offer their gifts willingly and joyously.  1 Chronicles 29:10-18 (NLT)

Call to Recovery

What does this mean for you and I today concerning our recovery?

I can do nothing on my own. I judge as God tells me. Therefore, my judgment is just, because I carry out the will of the one who sent me, not my own will.  John 5:30 (NLT)

For recovery to work we must do as Jesus did: admit that on our own we have no authority over that which beyond our strength and control; believe that God does have all power and sovereign authority, and that, in relationship with Jesus, can and will direct our behavioral choices if we let him; and therefore, commit to a life of recovery seeking to do the will of Jesus Christ who has the power and authority to resurrect our lives from misery into joy.

Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.  Romans 12:2 (NLT)

Today, we have an advantage that perhaps David did not. We have the Holy Spirit to inhabit our minds and fill our lives with all that God wants and has for us. We need only to want that. To want that is to do as Jesus did, and surrender all of who we are into the care of God, in relationship with Jesus. To not do that is to be opposed to recovery as God would have us live it. The only cost to live in the blessing of grace is to lay down and let go of that which is destroying us anyway. If we choose to hold onto ambition, greed, lust, envy and jealousy, anger and resentment, guilt and shame, and all the rest of it, that is on us. David, in that 38th Psalm, seemed to blame God for the logical consequences that come with these aforementioned self-destructive forms of attitude and behavior. How many of us, in all honesty, have the done the same from time to time, begging God not to punish us?

Because of God’s grace to me, I have laid the foundation like an expert builder. Now others are building on it. But whoever is building on this foundation must be very careful. For no one can lay any foundation other than the one we already have—Jesus Christ. Anyone who builds on that foundation may use a variety of materials—gold, silver, jewels, wood, hay, or straw. But on the judgment day, fire will reveal what kind of work each builder has done. The fire will show if a person’s work has any value. If the work survives, that builder will receive a reward. But if the work is burned up, the builder will suffer great loss. The builder will be saved, but like someone barely escaping through a wall of flames. Don’t you realize that all of you together are the temple of God and that the Spirit of God lives in you? God will destroy anyone who destroys this temple. For God’s temple is holy, and you are that temple.  1 Corinthians 3:10-17 (NLT)

Because, the Bible says, we in our bodies are the Temple where the Spirit of God dwells, like the surrendered commitment of David, we must obediently be doing the work of the Lord by the way we live. This is the call of recovery. Like David, we must be so careful not to bring harm to the Temple of the Lord but be willing to serve however we are called to serve.

First, we must preserve the Temple of God. The Temple of God where the Spirit of Christ dwells is our body and mind, heart and soul. It is incumbent on us then that we abstain from that which in any way causes harm to the Temple. Second, we are called to do the work of building on the foundation that God has laid down for us in His Son. It is in responding to this call of obedience to service and giving that His blessing and promise is realized in this life of faithful recovery. When we really come to understand this truth, like David, we win the ultimate prize. Like David, we are the people of God’s own heart… the apple of His eye.

Then David continued, “Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Don’t be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. He will see to it that all the work related to the Temple of the Lord is finished correctly.  1 Chronicles 28:20 (NLT)

Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.  Ephesians 3:20 (NLT)

Lesson: MEdom = Worship of Self (TWIRL 023)