This Week’s Recovery Application Challenge
Please click on TWIRL 037 if have not yet completed the recovery lesson.
Ambivalence—Measuring Risk (Pain) & Reward (Pleasure)
Please take a moment to pray before thoughtfully engaging in this exercise…
Well then, am I suggesting that the law of God is sinful? Of course not! In fact, it was the law that showed me my sin. I would never have known that coveting is wrong if the law had not said, “You must not covet.” But sin used this command to arouse all kinds of covetous desires within me! If there were no law, sin would not have that power. At one time I lived without understanding the law. But when I learned the command not to covet, for instance, the power of sin came to life. Romans 7:7-9 (NLT)
What the Apostle Paul struggled with is something we refer to as ambivalence. Ambivalence is the reality of wanting two or more things with equal intensity that are in direct opposition to one another. The net result is a resistance to one thing or the other when one is pulled in the opposite direction by the other. Perhaps you have heard the expression, “Torn between two lovers…”, which is what Paul is talking about when dealing with the power at war with his mind. He wants to do in recovery that which is good, healthy, and right—not because he has to but because he wants to for his own benefit. Yet he is being pulled by a force with equal or greater intensity by that which is self-centered and in opposition to the will of God.
14 So the trouble is not with the law, for it is spiritual and good. The trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to sin. 15 I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. 16 But if I know that what I am doing is wrong, this shows that I agree that the law is good. 17 So I am not the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.
18 And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can’t. 19 I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. 20 But if I do what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.
21 I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. 22 I love God’s law with all my heart. 23 But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. 24 Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? 25 Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin. Romans 7:14-25 (NLT)
- How is this true in your life?
- What do you hope to accomplish in recovery? What does your life look like should you accomplish your goal?
- What would you admit that you are selfish about that, when you are honest and not lying to yourself (denial), tends to get in the way of your recovery God’s way? Include activities, thoughts, feelings (i.e.: ambition, greed, pride, resentment, jealousy, anger, disappointment, frustration, shame, etc.), and fantasies (i.e.: lust, daydreaming, rehearsing worst-case scenarios, grandiosity, etc.)
- What do you have to gain or have gained pursuing selfishness? List your gains and be specific.
- What do you have to lose or have lost pursuing selfishness? List what you have lost (i.e., marriage and family, personal and professional opportunities, trust, peace of mind, joy, security, etc.) and be specific. Identify individual relationships affected by name. In other words, don’t generalize by indicating “my family” or “my children”.
- Have you come to believe that you are powerless? Can you admit that you are powerless over the destructive selfish function of your brain’s chemical process and activity? Explain.
- How has being rendered powerless hurt you? How has you life become unmanageable to the point that you cannot fix it on your own? How is the battle within the brain sick; even insane?
- What do you believe about God in the person of Jesus Christ to be a power greater than you to restore you to sanity?
- What do you believe about God to the extent that you can reasonably turn your will and your life over to Him, into His care?
At the core of our obsession with self is a belief of entitlement. I want something, then perceive that I need the thing that I want, then proceed to do what I have to do to get it… and continue to do what I have to do to keep it, and to do what I have to do to get more of it. If I want to feel something (i.e., pleasure, happy) I will do what I have to do. It is the same for eliminating the thing from my life that I do not want. I will do what I have to do. If I don’t want to feel something (i.e., pain, sad) I will do what I have to do. It’s what we do. We can’t help ourselves.
When we understand how the brain works—that there is a relationship between the ‘go’ centers of the brain and the cautionary, judgment centers of the brain, and that the ‘go’ systems are way more powerful than the judgment centers, which by the way are also governed by obsession with self—we can recognize the sensibility of the concept (reality) of selfish sin. This relationship between these functions of the brain shape our values and direct our moral compass, the so-called inner voice.
Our inner voice, what you might say is the inner spirit or conscience of a person, is guided by the matter of selfish sin until we choose to surrender our desires, intentions, ambitions, and motivations over to the care of God. Until then, we are usually deceived by our own inner voice. It’s often said that on one shoulder is an angel and on the other is a devil, and there is this conflict inside of our heads between right and wrong, good and bad (evil). It’s said that we need to listen real closely to the angel so that we can make the good and right choices. The problem we have is that the “angel” inside of our head is also selfish. The other problem is that there is a real devil directing evil that the Bible says, “disguises himself as an angel of light” (2 Corinthians 11:14). So you look to the right and there sits your trusty angel inner voice, and you in your selfishness inquires as to what it might be saying. Then you look to the left and… “WHAT?” Another angel? Which is which? How do you know which “inner voice” to listen to?
- So how do you know when you can trust your inner voice?
- How does a core belief of entitlement play a vital role in influencing—even deceiving—your inner voice?
- How does listening to your inner voice fuel your ambivalence, fostering your resistance to recovery God’s way?
- List situations and circumstances when you trusted your selfish inner voice betrayed what you intellectually knew to be right, and led you down a destructive path?
- How might listening to God’s voice through prayer and meditation on His Word (Scripture) helped to empower you in those situations?
- What would you say you need to do to be more aware and attentive to God’s voice in living out a plan for recovery?
Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. Romans 12:1-3 (NIV)
- What do you have to gain or have gained in recovery God’s way (ABC Recovery Steps, 12 steps)? List them all and be specific. Again, identify each individual relationship by name.
- What do you have to lose or have lost in recovery God’s way? List them all and be specific.
- Next, Score each item on each of your four lists between 1 and 100. You’re scoring them, not ranking them. So, several on the list can receive a score of 100 or 50, or whatever number you identify with each item. Then, add up your scores in each category. Combine the scores for questions 4 and 7. Then combine the scores for 5 and 6. By doing this you can measure your degree of ambivalence and discover how much or little you may be resistant in your recovery.
- Assuming the likelihood that your score for 5 and 6 is substantially higher than your score for 4 and 7, why do you still pursue selfishness to achieve satisfaction or to minimize dissatisfaction? Could it be that you are addicted to you?
- Take time to meditate on this and pray that God will be powerful in your life and that His influence will be powerful in your mind to how you think and behave.
It is God working in you to will and to act according to His purpose. Philippians 2:13
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