FREEdom from MEdom Project

Hopeless to Healed, Wrecked to Restored, Flawed to Forgiven, Fear to Faith

The waters surrounded me, even to my soul;
The deep closed around me. But in my distress
I cried out to the Lord; yes, I prayed to my God for help.
He reached down from heaven and rescued me;
He drew me out of deep waters. He led me to a place of safety;
He rescued me because he delights in me. He rescued me from my powerful enemies, from those who hated me and were too strong for me.
Attacked at a moment when I was in distress, the Lord supported me.
He has brought my life up from the pit; my Lord, my God.
Jonah 2:5, 6, Psalm 18: 6, 16-19

“Whatever is drowning you in fear, in discouragement, in sadness, give it to Jesus. Whatever is over your head is under his feet.” —Adrian Rogers

FREEdom from MEdom Project exists to help hurting people experience healing and recovery from pain into peace through relationship with God, your bridge to better living. God would love to restore what’s been broken in you into something whole again. Restoration from loss into better living rests in the assurance of hope evident when fully realized in the experience of faith.

Faith? Faith in what? Faith in whom? How does someone truly experience faith? How is faith realized and made evident (proven)? What does it mean to have a relationship with God? How is relationship with God unique from a religious experience? How is relationship with God so much more than religion?

What does it mean to know God, and to be known by God?

God loved the people of this world so much that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who has faith in him will have eternal life. God did not send his Son into the world to condemn its people. He sent him to save them! John 3:16-17 (CEV)

My hope is that as you navigate your way through the content presented here, you will have the appetite to draw deeper from the well that is the experience of faith. God is known in the person of Jesus Christ. Jesus came from heaven to earth not to condemn anyone but to save everyone. Save us from what? Jesus came to save you from all that consumes and controls you, to build you up and restore you to wholeness.

Restore the joy of your salvation to me, and sustain me by giving me a willing spirit. Psalm 51:12 (CSB)

Synonyms for the word salvation includes: rescue, redemption, and yes, recovery. We need all of it. Jesus comes into our lives to deliver us, to redeem us, to rescue us, to protect us, and to direct our path of recovery. Jesus is our bridge from where we have been into better living. Jesus is our bridge into the experience of joy sustained by a willing attitude.

Now faith is the reality of what is hoped for, the proof of what is not seen. Hebrews 11:1 (CBV) 

FREEdom from MEdom Project is the union of evidence-based therapeutic realities and reasonable faith-centered realities rooted in biblical truth. This resource is an in-depth study and discussion of the transformative life-changing process, anticipating the hope that grows from within. Again, faith is not blind. Faith is borne out of real-life experience reasonably understood from our core to be consistent with what we value most. As we heal in relationship with God, our minds are renewed, recalibrated so that our belief aligns with the core values we were created with.

Through the lens of reason, spiritual faith and cognitive intellect are compatible and congruent without disagreement or dissonance.

“Your gift of truth may of just brought me back from praying for death. I didn’t wanna deal with me most days… I’d run away, but I would still end up with me, so why run. This might just be the best gift for healing and breaking down some walls I’m custom to building around me to protect myself. It’s amazing to me how much what I have read from this website might have saved me.” —Lori L.

RECENTLY POSTED: Find Rest for Your Soul Tethered to Jesus 
Addresses the message of Jesus who said, “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30 (NKJV)

ALSO FEATURED: Why Encounters with God Matter: Stories of Profound Life-Changing Experiences
“The stories from these individuals are so powerful. It humbled me and reminded me how blessed we are to serve a God that is in active pursuit of all of us. This website is such a great resource for believers and non-believers, too!” —Paige Pinter-Wilson, Licensed Counselor

Who is Jesus?

Why is Jesus central to the transformative change we so desperately need?

Though he (Jesus) was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. Instead, he gave up his divine privileges; he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. When he appeared in human form, he humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal’s death on a cross. Philippians 2:6-8 (NLT)

Through the human experience of Jesus, God knows, and has always known, the challenges that burden us. God has always known our brokenness. What may feel like the human experiment to us, is to God a marvel. Even in the midst of our struggle with human failure, when we choose to turn away from our natural inclination to remedy discomfort, and choose to lean on the grace and goodness of God who loves us, that is faith. It is our faith that touches the heart of God.

It is faith that saves you and finds you when you are lost. It is the hand of God extended to you when you are drowning. The same God that brings balance and order to a universe that is always on the move, desires more than you can possibly know to restore balance and order to all of the movement in your life. God cherishes you; treasures you. You are God’s favorite in all of creation.

The painter, creating works of art with a brush for long, long time, may have that one painting that stands above them all. The artist will boldly proclaim that this one is the masterpiece. Others will tend to agree. It’s that good! A masterful work of art. It’s the one that everyone is excited to see. Perhaps for Leonardo da Vinci, his masterpiece is the masterpiece he loves most.

There are inventors who have changed the world and now we live with the best of what they created. There are researchers and scientists who have discovered remedies and cures for insufferable, terminal diseases. Engineers, scientists, and researchers have culminated their collective discovery and expertise to advance technology to unprecedented places.

More than anything else in a mother’s life, giving life is of immeasurable value. Mothers love their children unconditionally without any reservation whatsoever. Her child is her masterpiece despite inherent imperfections. Children grow up to have minds of their own and make poor decisions that produce unfavorable outcomes. A loving mother, out of compassion and generosity, extends unmerited mercy and grace. She will affirm her child to know how valued she is; to see herself through the lens of her mother. She will do whatever she can to help her child to heal, restoring her masterpiece from broken to better.

We are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. Ephesians 2:10 (NLT) 

To God, the vast universe may be his playground. The stars and galaxies might be like toys to God. Only God knows and fully understands their purpose. Gravity is the awesome reality created by God that, with other phenomenal forces, gives the universe order, keeping it all working together in glorious harmony. The symbiotic push-pull connections within and throughout all universal forces is entirely synchronized. How is it possible that the laws of the universe are enforced without God?

“We are in the position of a little child entering a huge library filled with books in many different languages. The child knows someone must have written those books. It does not know how. It does not understand the languages in which they are written. The child dimly suspects a mysterious order in the arrangement of the books, but doesn’t know what it is. That, it seems to me, is the attitude of even the most intelligent human being toward God. We see a universe marvelously arranged and obeying certain laws, but only dimly understand these laws. Our limited minds cannot grasp the mysterious force that moves the constellations.” —Albert Einstein, Einstein: A Life, Denis Brian (1996)

Is the spectacular wonder of the universe God’s masterpiece?

Not at all! It is God’s children that matter most. Long ago, before anything was ever made, God thought of you and thought of me. We are God’s masterpiece. We are what God is most excited about. Free to choose outside of the plan of God, when we repent from going our own way, it brings joy to the heart of God, so beyond the joy experienced by a mother or father who’s child has returned home after being led astray and misdirected along their way. God’s love, grace, mercy, and generosity, is so beyond any comparison or parallel.

It was the plan from the beginning to rescue us from choices that lead to our own disappointment and discomfort; behavioral choices so harmful that they destroy us, either all at once or over time. You may struggle to believe it, the way things have been going in your life, but you are the best thing God has ever made. You are God’s masterpiece.

God painted the universe to reflect his glory. God made the stars and galaxies and set it all in motion. God catalyzed the evolutionary growth and expansion of all species that live and provides everything necessary for all life to be possible to persevere and thrive. From plant life, to sea life, to animal life, to human life. God provides every essential ingredient to sustain life.

While the stars in the universe may be God’s toys, it is the life God has made that he has fully invested in. God is all in. Favored over all other things are God’s children. As we make are share of mistakes, because we are of incomparable value to God, the maker and giver of all life, he has gone to immeasurable lengths to restore us, his children, which has always been the plan. Nothing changes this.

“The lessons you shared are a treasure that I share with others today. I am eternally grateful… It’s people like you that make it possible for people like me to look deep within and change the mindset to productivity instead of destruction.” —Lesley McCain

As we do a deep dive into the imperfections and inclinations of the human condition, please know… always know… that God knows you. God understands you. God loves you. Out of compassion God forgives you without hesitation or reservation. Know this as well. God is all about grace and wants so so much to extend it to you. Though you have flaws, you are forgiven by God. Though you’ve been violated, you are valued by God.

“I have gone through the FREEdom from MEdom Project then concluded that it is divine; my heart is deeply touched. I have been touched by your vision for delivering addicted people. I’m moved to pray for this ministry because it is a unique one. May God expand your vision mightily all over the world.” —Leonard Walubengo, Pastor, Kenya

What If…

What if you could lay down the weight of what burdens you… all of it?

What if you could be released from feeling overwhelmed, and perhaps, overcome, by the stress of the challenges you are struggling mightily to manage?

“You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

“But we are descendants of Abraham,” they said. “We have never been slaves to anyone. What do you mean, ‘You will be set free’?”

Jesus replied, “I tell you the truth, everyone who sins is a slave of sin. A slave is not a permanent member of the family, but sons and daughters are members of the family forever. So if the Son (Jesus) sets you free, you are truly free.” John 8:32-36 (NLT)

What if you could be assured that something, or more specifically, someone, is able, willing, and wanting to be the source of your healing and restoration from whatever it is that’s broken?

What if you could lay your burdens at the feet of one who is the originator and catalyst for all that exists and lives, who put everything into motion, and maintains it’s order and balance?

What if that someone could—and would—restore you into what you were always meant to be? What if that someone could help you to recover and restore you to wholeness?

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed. Psalm 34:18 (NLT)

If God is as real as anything you have seen, heard, smelled, tasted, and felt, and has the full bounty of resources to rescue you, heal your wounds, deliver you from bondage, help you when you are helpless, and offers you hope when you are feeling hopeless, wouldn’t you want that?

If God is real and wants that for you, because God loves you, would you be open to receive from God what he has for you?

If you could be assured that God is able and willing to do for you what you cannot do for yourself, why wouldn’t you want that?

Is it a question of belief in God? Is it a matter of feeling undeserving? What is the obstacle that is in the way?

Even if you have made up your mind that there is no God or divine being in existence (even Einstein and Darwin would disagree with you), what if it could be essentially proven to you that God does exist, is alive, and is involved in all of aspects of creation from the outer extremes of the universe down to the very beat of your heart, the breath in your lungs, and the waves in your brain?

FREEdom from MEdom Project is a place where wounded, hurting people can find real answers to challenging questions related to the profound circumstances they find themselves in. For every challenge and every problem we face, every experience that causes us pain, there is a solution that does not disappoint. And more than that, can, and better yet, does produce joy.

Taste and see that the Lord is good. Oh, the joys of those who take refuge (safe haven) in him! Psalm 34:8 (NLT)

To taste and see is to have an appetite for what you can experience in the favor and goodness of God. It is a change in focus and attention; a renewed perspective. Instead of looking back while fleeing what is chasing you, look forward to the best that is in store for you and pursue it.

“Everyone is not okay as they wander through life, and when we know people intimately we will find that much has been stolen from them, that many hearts have dried up and died, and that they cannot find a way out of those prisons by their own power.” —Pastor Francis Leeman, LifeSpring Church

The sky overhead is looking ominous and the storm is upon you. Does what looks like storm clouds appear to be swirling like a tornado that’s about to touch down? Imagine that your life is a house. Where in the house to you go when the  wind is howling, the thunder is deafening, and the lightning strikes? Can you find shelter? Do you seek a safe place to hide and isolate, hoping that the house that is your life doesn’t get swept away by the storm?

In the deepest anguish of his storm, prior to his execution, even Jesus told his closest friends,

“My heart is overwhelmed and crushed with grief. It feels as though I am dying.” Matthew 26:38 (TPT)

I heard someone say that trauma is like a tornado that she hopes to survive. Emotion tied to your life experience can most certainly feel like that. Emotion tied to trauma and shame can trigger terribly severe weather, metaphorically speaking. Life events that recall trauma (PTSD) and shame can result in the tornado touching down, sweeping through your mind, triggering intense feelings related to emotional wounds, and leaving wreckage in its wake.

But soon a fierce storm came up. High waves were breaking into the boat, and it began to fill with water. Jesus was sleeping at the back of the boat with his head on a cushion. The disciples woke him up, shouting, “Teacher, don’t you care that we’re going to drown?” When Jesus woke up, he rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Silence! Be still!” Suddenly the wind stopped, and there was a great calm. John 4:37-39 (NLT)

Maybe you’ve lost your grip on things. You’ve lost control. You cannot control the weather. Even the best therapy cannot change the weather conditions. However, you can be equipped to deal with bad weather when it comes to managing how you respond to the severe weather surrounding your circumstances and how you weather the storm, emotionally. If you’ll allow me, I have thoughts about how to weather the storm, and who it is that can actually affect the severe weather in your life that’s out of control.

Once again, imagine that your life is a house. What happens to a house whose foundation is not solid, rooted deep into what it is built on? If the foundation is not strong and is in fact weak, when the storms come in whatever forms they take, the house is unstable and vulnerable to severe damage. It may collapse, altogether. If the foundation under your feet is not stable, then you are vulnerable to the storms, the hurricanes, and tornadoes, that plow through your life experience, leaving wreckage and pain.

“Anyone who listens to my (Jesus) teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock. But anyone who hears my teaching and doesn’t obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand. When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will collapse with a mighty crash.” Matthew 7:24-27 (NLT)

The intention of FREEdom from MEdom Project is to go the place where the seed of faith is planted, and what is means for your life to be built—perhaps rebuilt—on the firm foundation in relationship with God. Faith is not merely an idea, it is indeed a reality.

Jesus told them. “I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it would move. Nothing would be impossible.” Matthew 17:20 (NLT)

In the beginning, either something came from absolutely nothing, or something always existed. One of these impossibilities has to be true; has to be. This is not a religious debate. This is reality! And, if God did not always exist, what did?

“Faith is not a denial of reality. It’s a deeper reality.” —Pastor Steve Andres, New City Church

Whether you believe in God or you don’t, if you keep reading, you will see that God has to exist, that God started it all, and is involved in the function and process of the universe at large (always has been), and wants to be involved in the details of your life because God made you, loves you, and wants relationship with you.

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1 (KJV)

Having a relationship with God is to believe and trust in God through the reality of faith. You won’t see God with your eyes but faith is not blind, faith is planted in hope that has substance, and grown in the evidence of experience. Yes, even… and especially… your experience! Experiencing faith in the profound reality of relationship with God is the light piercing through the clouds to calm the storm.

Faith, according to the substance—the assurance—of hope and the evidence that something is authentically real, having experienced faith, can be illustrated like this:

Once you have experienced the light and heat of the sun, you accept through reasonable understanding that the sun is always there to be experienced. Like weather patterns, clouds will come though your daily experience. Sometimes, these clouds bring with them rain. Sometimes thunder and lightning. Storms vary in intensity and severity… the overwhelming floods of a hurricane, the devastating winds of a tornado. Without faith, these storms, especially the most severe, are consuming to the point you believe you may never experience the sun again.

Faith is knowing, according to the reality of the evidence, that the sun is always above the clouds and storms. Faith is trusting that the power of the storm pales in comparison to the power of the sun. Faith, through relationship with God, is knowing, even when you don’t feel it, that access to the power of God is your assurance that you are protected from the storm in your life, and will prevail.

Having said that, it seems there is a difference in believing by faith in what God can do, according to what we know, and having trust in what God will do, because of what we feel. It is the feeling of doubt and fear that provides the distraction and deception that alters our perception of the power of the sun to overcome the storm. While overwhelmed by the challenge of the difficulty of discontentment (discomfort of worry, pain, and suffering) our faith is challenged to trust what we know rather than succumb to what we feel.

²⁰ So they brought the boy. But when the evil spirit saw Jesus, it threw the child into a violent convulsion, and he fell to the ground, writhing and foaming at the mouth.

²¹ “How long has this been happening?” Jesus asked the boy’s father.

He replied, “Since he was a little boy. ²² The spirit often throws him into the fire or into water, trying to kill him. Have mercy on us and help us, if you can.”

²³ “What do you mean, ‘If I can’?” Jesus asked. “Anything is possible if a person believes.”

²⁴ The father instantly cried out, “I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!” Mark 9:20-24 (NLT)

What is the evil spirit in your life? Is it trauma troubling your mind that won’t leave you be? Is it addiction that is so challenging to overcome? Is it resentment eating away at you like a malignant disease? Is it injustice so oppressive it beats you down? Is it being stuck in shame that is so debilitating? Is it failure and disappointment that leaves you feeling discouraged and hopeless?

Whatever the boy in the account (above) was experiencing was so intense that the boy had some kind of seizure. Trauma and PTSD can produce anxiety so intense that you can feel sick to your stomach. You can’t breathe. It so often leads to distorted thinking, which can generate addictive behavior. Addiction impairs judgment when making decisions. Impaired choices produce harmful outcomes. Lying in wait is jealousy, resentment, shame, failed expectations and disappointment, so oppressive that you can no longer bear it. The enemy within is a consuming fear squeezing so tightly it feels there is no escaping its grasp.

What can be done about it?

What comes next may sound like religious hyperbole but what if it is absolutely true? What more can you lose?

Once you have experienced relationship with God in the person of Jesus, it is no longer a matter of if deliverance, healing, and restoration is possible, but a matter of when as you trust the process of renewal when inviting Jesus into your living through relationship with him. You then have access to God who loves you beyond what you can ever imagine love to be.

Yet, why is it that we are typically inclined to try to help ourselves by seeking a remedy to feel better? Why is it that we think that we will apply a bandage to stop the hemorrhaging from the depths of our being, even when we know the bandage is insufficient? What is wrong with us that we give in to emotionally-rooted deceptions that may be subtle, but all too often are obvious counterfeit remedies that we already know are a problem?

A: ADMIT that I am Powerless on My Own to Manage My Life

We need to consider the reality of the human condition. It’s a problem… a serious problem… that needs solving.

We are inclined, cognitively, to equate freedom with control. The word more soothing than ‘control’ is autonomy. The word ‘autonomy’ is defined as “the right or condition of self-government; freedom from external control or influence… independence.” So, we tend to connect freedom with independence, but really, we want to be in control. It is within our nature to understand control as a core value. Anything outside of our control means being controlled on some level, which we, by nature, find discomforting. Along with decreased control comes increased discomfort and anxiety.

The irony is that true freedom has more to do with understanding how much we are not in control, and that control is not merely elusive, it is not ours to be had, and never will be. Ouch! To experience freedom in the truest sense is being willing to let go of this notion of control as something to attain. Even within our own intrinsic scope of what is reasonable, we typically recognize subconsciously that we are not in control, which is why we react impulsively to circumstances. We react before thinking something through. Our lack of impulse control adds to our discomfort, particularly impulse initiatives to attempt to relieve our anxiety. Our pursuit of a sufficient remedy for discomfort becomes our focus and purpose; perhaps our obsession.

At FREEdom from MEdom Project, you have arrived at a place that is intended to clear the way for reason and sensibility, to reveal disorder and light a path toward seeing more clearly what has been hidden in the dark. It’s a place to turn down the volume and listen for the truth in the words when less distracted by the noise reverberating through your mind.

Reasonable and sensible? Who’s to say what is reasonable? Who’s to say what makes the most sense?

Just like the natural laws of the universe, the natural laws of physics and mathematics, the natural laws that catalyze the function and process of all forms of life, the laws of the human condition trends toward disorder in the form of logical consequences, which shouldn’t be surprising but too often are, perhaps shockingly so. We have all been impacted by consequences that are in line with the behavioral choices we make.

There is what I want, what you want, and what everyone else wants, according to what we all believe we need. There are logical consequences reasonable to behavior driven to some degree or another by envy, jealousy, and selfish pride and ambition. With this comes that. It can’t be helped. The more maladaptive the behavior, that which does more harm than good (due to inadequate adjustment to challenging circumstances and impaired judgment), the greater the severity of consequences. The resulting disruption, disappointment, and distress, are among the natural (dis)order of things.

For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and evil of every kind. James 3:16 (NLT)

I’ve been impacted by my own selfish decisions guided by poor judgment, and by your selfish choices as well. You’ve been impacted by your own selfish decisions due to by poor judgment, and also by my selfish choices. Human emotion is inclined by our selfish human nature to yield to temptation in the hope of experiencing the immediate gratification that comes with being selfish. We have all been affected and hurt by this interactive process involving feelings and thoughts, acted out through behavior.

“I can to some extent control my acts. I have no direct control over my temperament. If what we are matters even more than what we do—if indeed if what we do matters chiefly as evidence of what we are—then it follows that the change which I most need to undergo is a change that my own direct, voluntary efforts cannot bring about.” —C.S. Lewis, early 20th century author, biblical scholar

Once I come to my senses and acknowledge that I need help, what do I do?

May I suggest that it is imperative to consider these first three of the twelve steps, and then take it from there. The following is FREEdom from MEdom’s take on these first steps:

A – ADMIT that I am powerless on my own to manage my life.

B – BELIEVE in God to repair what is broken in me and restore my life to stability and sustainability.

C – COMMIT to turning my will and my life over to the care of God by trusting in what I believe.

Hopefully, you will take the time to process through these steps (A, B, & C) to best comprehend the message of recovery into sobriety. If you don’t already, considering believing by faith in God as your higher power, just might be your most important, meaningful, and satisfying discovery ever.

If you are open to faith, or already have faith in God, then what comes next is a profound statement that can be your very own experience.

Imagine Jesus, the sovereign authority of the universe, asking you today, “What do you want me to do for you?”

“What do you want me to do for you?” And having been blinded by painful experiences, you respond to him, “Jesus, let me recover my sight.” And Jesus says back to you, “Go your way; your faith has made you well.” And immediately you recover your sight and are compelled to walk with Jesus along your way, everywhere you go. Mark 10:51-52 (NLT, modified)

Blinded by Deception

Having been blinded by the distress of painful life experiences, hope is realized in the recovery of sight, set free to see yourself in the light of God’s love and what he has done for you. Having been blinded by the darkness of ongoing disappointment and feeling discouraged, unable to see yourself clearly, comes the opportunity to sustain clarity of mind, and yes, to experience rest for your soul in the core of your being. Seeing yourself through the lens of God’s love for you makes all the difference.

Faith is experienced in relationship with God. To experience faith is to let go of our distorted notions about what matters most, and trust God to restore all that is broken in us into something new and better. It is the experience of faith in relationship with God that opens the pathway from slavery to into freedom.

How does being blinded by the darkness in your circumstances restrict your freedom? What do you want God to do for you when you cannot see clearly what is intended for you? What will it take to see yourself clearly through the lens of God’s grace?

Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely. 1 Corinthians 13:12 (NLT)

Investing in freedom versus settling for less is the unforeseen dilemma that has everyone conflicted to some degree or another each and every day. Too many of us are unaware of our self-centered nature, our inclination towards entitled thinking and self-gratifying behavior, according to what we believe we deserve. Since human emotion needs so badly to be fed, it so easily is deceived and confused into believing the lies within the human experience.

How do we know in our innermost being what voice to listen to? Is it our own inner voice… what is in our heart Do we trust our gut?

“The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful, a puzzle that no one can figure out.
But I, God, search the heart and examine the mind.
I get to the heart of the human. I get to the root of things.
I treat them as they really are, not as they pretend to be.” Jeremiah 17:9-10 (MSG)

We do not typically respond to challenging occurrences according to what we know to be reasonable, which ought to result in favorable outcomes. When sound reason gives way to impulsive behavior, according to how we feel in the moment, it inevitably produces undesirable outcomes, dragging us farther away from what we want and value most. We typically trust what we feel—settling for less—over trusting what we know, according to what we value most at our core.

How do we know?

Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he’s the one who will keep you on track. Proverbs 3:5-6 (MSG)

“My Christian faith plays a role in everything that I do. I always ask God to lead me in the right direction.” —Patrick Mahomes, Three-time NFL Super Bowl Champion 

Even though we may know better, knowing deep down to listen to God’s voice, how can we know that it is God’s voice we are listening to? What if there is too much noise in our heads to hear God’s voice?

What if God is unknown to you? What if you don’t know with certainty what to believe about God? How can you trust in what you are not entirely sure of?

I will say this: settling for less feels much easier. We typically settle for shortcuts along the way towards gratification; what we feel we want and need. Is freedom more of an ideal than something actually realized in our day-to-day circumstances? Our internal reality is that ambivalence—our inner conflict between adhering to core values and settling for less than those values—is the underbelly of settling for what we feel is easier over what we know to be better for ourselves when standing firm to what we value most.

How we settle for less is in the behavior attached to how we remedy disappointment, discontent, and the discomfort associated with the logical unfavorable consequences that typically come with how we remedy discomfort. The sequential consequences may be the complete opposite of what we value most at our core. Replacing freedom is the fear (anxiety and stress) we experience, so when stuck after falling (failing), we typically cannot get back up without help.

Impulsive reactions to what we feel in the moment betrays what we value most, defying what we know at our core reasonably makes the most sense.

We may become slaves to the remedy, paralyzed by adverse circumstances, and ultimately stuck in discontentment. With that comes the belief that we cannot overcome our failures. It becomes who and what we are. We may very well feel that as failures we cannot forgive those who have hurt us, nor are we forgivable. We end up attracting into our life circumstances, not so much who we are, but what we are in who we have become when surrendering to addictive thing and behavior.

Many, if not most of us, are unaware of our need to experience forgiveness in order to be set free from the bondage of all that burdens us. To not be forgiven is to be a slave in bondage. The word slave is a powerful, meaningful word that carries a great deal of weight. To reject relationship with God is to reject the gift of grace.

Did you know that the word freedom is synonymous with forgiveness? Jesus insisted repeatedly that his words of forgiveness and faith is the truth that will set us free.

The gift of grace comes in the forgiveness God has extended to each of one of us in the sacrifice of his son, Jesus (executed by misguided religious leaders), which ended up providing the pathway to the forgiveness for all who ever lived. To reject the gift of God’s grace is to shun his forgiveness. To deny yourself God’s gift of forgiveness is to choose slavery over freedom. It means choosing a life sentence, burdened by the weight of the sin we all carry. Sin is the three-letter word for self-centered behavioral choices that prove destructive.

Lots of people reading this feel rejected by God. FREEdom from MEdom Project addresses that. The truth is that we, every single one of us, have been chosen by God for relationship with him. It costs us nothing. To have been conditioned to “believe” that faith is a religious thing requiring some kind of sacrifice to God, is to be blinded by the deception that faith in God is anything other than a relationship with God. Relationship with God is in the person of Jesus, the living manifestation of God, who is known to us as having full authority. As we experience relationship with Jesus, we are indeed experiencing God.

God sent Jesus as the most innocent sacrifice for sin; the only sacrifice that matters. What Jesus did through his sacrifice was unlock the cell door and open it. We either choose to leave that cell into freedom or to stay locked inside. That’s what it is to be a slave within ourselves outside of relationship with God. Think hard about what it means to be overcome and consumed by guilt, controlled by shame, discontentment, and fear. FREEdom from MEdom (free from me) is all about what it means to be set free from all that enslaves and control us.

They promise freedom, but they themselves are slaves of sin and corruption. For you are a slave to whatever controls you. 2 Peter 2:19 (NLT)  

Who are they? Who are they in your life that influence you? There may be some positive people in your life that are indeed good for you. But, who are they that you expect will deliver for you? Why do they disappoint and drag you farther away from what you want, need, and value most? How might they have power over you, control you… maybe even own you?

“Everyone is not okay as they wander through life, and when we know people intimately we will find that much has been stolen from them, that many hearts have dried up and died, and that they cannot find a way out of those prisons by their own power.” —Pastor Fran Leeman

What are they? What are they that infiltrate your feelings, thoughts, and actions? What are they that influence you, have power over you, cause you discomfort, pain and suffering until they consume you, control you… maybe even own you?

Under the Spell   

You need to know that they themselves are enslaved by the very nature of who and what they are. Whether it is who or what, they themselves are severely flawed. Who is flawed by selfish desire and motivation that leads to sinful, typically harmful behavior, and what may soothe and relieve the malaise of your discontent in the short term, but is a counterfeit remedy to the root cause of what ails you, adding to your troubles and misery long term. Both who and what become more powerful—addictive—the more you feed into what they offer. It is then that they control you. Once in their grasp, they enslave you to your very core, followed by strong emotions such as anguish and dread. Counterfeit remedies intended for relief add to the full weight of your stress.

FREEdom from MEdom Project is all about helping you to recognize what is at the root of the human condition producing logical consequences. Then, once you are able to acknowledge that you have been duped into believing all these deceptions from the outside in, confessing your need for the life-giver to enter into your life, you are set up to experience renewal from the inside out.

“Progress means getting nearer to the place you want to be. And if you have taken a wrong turning, then to go forward does not get you any nearer. If you’re on the wrong road, progress means doing an about-turn and walking back to the right road.” —C.S. Lewis, Scholar and Author

A changed mind, transformed by God in relationship with Jesus, changes everything in the way we think and live. It is a radical, revolutionary kind of change. Change that defies human comprehension and reasoning. Our emotion-fueled justifications for this and for that ultimately are proven to be irrational by logical consequences—outcomes that simply make sense. Empowered in relationship with God to process thought with spiritual discernment, it only makes sense to our mind is changed as we come to know God, to more completely trust now in whom we know.

Nothing changes when nothing changes. But when changed from the inside out in relationship with God, everything changes.

Peruse the menu above to obtain information from credible sources about symptomatic addictive behavior (Addiction ED) and mental health-related issues and symptoms (MH ED). If you’re feeling overwhelmed by anxiety, stress, depression, and perhaps feeling hopeless, there is access to crisis resources and hotlines. I have pulled together online resources and information for you. By clicking on locations within Addiction ED and Mental Health ED to gain access to what’s been made available, you have in FREEdom from MEdom Project a kind of one-stop resource center for hurting people in need of healing and recovery.

So, what is MEdom and why do I need to be free from it? Someone once said, “I was so obsessed with me and the reasons I might be dissatisfied that I couldn’t focus on other people. The process of growing up is realizing that it’s not about me.” MEdom is our preoccupation with self—“It’s all about me”—and everything that causes us discomfort at every level. It is a condition common to everyone who has have ever lived.

At one time we thought of Christ merely from a human point of view. How differently we know him now! This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun! 2 Corinthians 5:16-17 (NLT)

Most people share similar core values: joy, love, belonging, security, stability, physical and mental health, meaningful relationships, companionship, honesty, trust, respect, integrity, loyalty, compassion, forgiveness, clarity, commitment, purpose, consistency, autonomy, responsibility, control, comfort, contentment, and most of all… freedom, especially within our minds.

Growing up until our present day, we have all, to some degree or another, experienced the opposite of our core values: anger, sorrow, failed expectations, disappointment, discouragement, trauma, abuse, resentment, jealousy, rejection, abandonment, loss, grief, guilt, shame, pain, struggle, sickness, isolation, betrayal, confusion, anxiety, stress and distress, alienation, and yes… boredom. And what we fear most is fear itself, rooted in the discomfort of our discontent.

When our beliefs are aligned with our core values, it is our best opportunity to thrive and live well. It is then that we best experience joy and delight. When the pieces fit, we are at peace with what we know and reasonably understand. We tend to rest easier. We view ourselves through the lens of what we value most at our core, rather than feeling defined by negative, perhaps shameful, experiences. Should we comprehend seeing ourselves through the lens of God’s grace, it indeed shapes everything about us.

Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. 1 Corinthians 13:12 (NLT)

So easily stated, right?

But then life happens from birth until now, and our experiences of adversity, pain, and struggle, distort our beliefs, steering us somewhere far less rational, triggering feelings that takes us to those darker places. We lose perspective of what we know we value at our core while lost in the dark. We may feel undeserving of happiness, joy, and even love… from anyone. It is there that behavioral choices reflect what we fear, preoccupied with what we cannot control. Anxiety is our preoccupation with what we cannot control and stress is carrying the weight—the burden—of that anxiety. Distress occurs when the weight of the burden is overwhelming we are consumed by misery.

If I am so undeserving of love, how can I possibly love myself?

“We all engage in attempts at self-care and self-soothing, which, at times, can feel deeply compelling to us even when the activity is in conflict with our values.” —Timothy Harrington, Wide Wonder

“We don’t always see things as they are, we see them as we are.” —centuries old proverb

It is our lens of understanding that fogs our perspective. When our life experiences are wrought with enough disappointment that we are increasingly discouraged until distressed to the point of feeling helpless and hopeless, we most certainly need to find ways to remedy our discomfort so that we feel better than what hurts. When pieces are lost, we feel the need to do something about it just to manage. We tend to act on impulse rather than thinking it through.

So, we come to value the remedy in order to survive. Our core values have not changed. But our belief in how to arrive at what we value most is no longer aligning with what we value most at our core. What we do to feel better may even be in direct opposition to what we value most. What we do and how we think is centered on emotion, contradicting what we know and understand reasonably makes the most sense.

FREEdom from MEdom Project dives deep into the nature of harmfully addictive behavior rooted in values distorted by the emotion of life experiences that drive self-gratifying behavior, ranging from doing what one has to do merely to survive, to selfish ambition and greed. FREEdom from MEdom Project is the union of evidence-based therapeutic realities and faith-centered sensibilities deeply rooted in biblical truth. It is in relationship with God that we gain the most effective access to unmistakable healing and restoration.

This home page summarizes what I believe is the recovery process into sustained sobriety. Sobriety should be defined as clarity within the mind reflected reflected consistently in behavior. Sobriety should be thought of as a kind of moral standard rooted in integrity, however that may be defined.

What I will suggest is this: the more you’re needing what you’re reading, the more you will continue reading about what you’re needing. The objective is to unveil the truth about how behavioral choices either draw us closer to what we truly want—need—and value most in life, or drag us farther away from what we need and value most. This is truth that applies to everyone all of the time, every time. No exceptions… ever.

How are a person’s core values determined, distorted, and then diminished over time?

You may look back at certain choices you’ve made and feel regret; sometimes deep regret. “Why?” If only it was a dream and it never actually happened. I didn’t really do that, did I? But it did happen. I did do that. I made that choice, I acted on that choice, and now I have no choice but to live with my choice. Ugh!

“Somebody save me, save me from myself. I’ve spent so long living in hell. They say my lifestyle is bad for my health. It’s the only thing that seems to help. All of this drinkin’ and smokin’ is hopeless, but I feel like it’s all that I need. Somethin’ inside of me is broken. I hold on to anything that sets me free.” —Jason Bradley DeFord, singer-songwriter (aka, Jelly Roll)

Since we are compelled to buy into the deceptive notion is the potion that will remedy our discomfort is going and somehow free us of disappointment, more often than not, we are willing to give into our appetite for immediate gratification. The emotional impulse is the vacuum that sucks us in to believing in something that contradicts what we value most. It may satisfy initially, reinforcing the belief we have come to trust in, but the potential harm that is built into the remedy will sooner than later have its impact, producing an undesired outcome that contributes to our pain until it is distressing. It turns out that the remedy we trusted in was poison.

It turns out that trusting self is typically toxic and a real problem. If we only knew then what we know now, right? But then, when the offense of trusting ourselves involves repeating the same or similar behavioral choices, producing the same or similar negative outcomes, despite having learned from our mistakes, or so we thought, what then? What’s the solution? If we can’t trust ourselves who can we trust?

Without mincing words, or spinning this truth in a way that makes it more palatable for those who might typically cringe at the notion of faith, it is this matter of trusting God in relationship with Jesus that is the bridge to better living. Jesus can and wants to restore you into what he intended for you all along. You may already believe that but struggle to trust entirely in what you believe.

FREEdom from MEdom Project exists to break it all down for the purpose of increasing awareness, knowledge, and understanding into the what, how, and why about the human condition and what it takes to be free from the obstructions in the way of trusting in what you believe by faith.

While there may be worthwhile insights to explore here at FREEdom from MEdom Project, it is not a substitute for therapy, if that’s what’s needed. If you’ve been in despair with any hint of a suicidal feeling or thought, then seeking an immediate therapeutic intervention is what you need. Call for emergency services, or at the very least, a loved one to help you in your moment of need. If you will, call out to God, “Please, help me!”

Having experienced adults and adolescents considering suicide, the question is this: “Are you certain that dying is your only way out, or are you in desperate need for something to change?” The weight of it all is crushing you and something has to give. If there is help for you to be delivered from the burden you are carrying, is that the better option for you?

Please consider clicking on the broad range of resources identified at the top of this page. You can benefit from an authentic relationship with a qualified counselor; especially when treatment and therapy aligns with the value of faith that inspires hope.

Settling for Less Than… 

What is ambivalence, and how does it impact decisions?

“We all know the dilemma of desire, how awful it feels to open our hearts to joy, only to have grief come in. They go together. We know that. What we don’t know is what to do with it, how to live in this world with desire so deep in us and disappointment lurking behind every corner. After we’ve taken a few arrows, dare we even desire?” —John Eldredge, author

Ambivalence is the internal disagreement, or conflict, between two things we desire equally but are in direct opposition to one another. It is a divided state of mind. Emotion tricks the brain into believing we can have it all and be satisfied, but it is a big lie. We are held captive by self-centered, prideful desire until it costs so much of what we value. The inability to exchange love and trust is the price we pay along the way. Our pursuit of counterfeit happiness only drag us farther away from the freedom we value more than anything else.

Counterfeit happiness can be described as finding pleasure in those things that run contrary to our core, God-given, values. It is typically rooted in our need to cover our discontent. It could to resolve the problem of boredom with entertainment. It can also be our need to remedy the pain of past experiences of loss and personal injury.

Experiences activate beliefs that distort thinking and values that drive emotion-motivated behavior. The behavior is then associated with rewards and consequences. So long as the behavior is reinforced by pleasure and/or relief from discomfort, it is repeated.

“If our will is enslaved to our appetites, if our thoughts are obsessed with unfulfilled desires, if our emotions are slaves to our circumstances, if our bodily habits contradict our professed values, the soul is not free.” —Dr. John Ortberg, psychologist, author

When behavior is harmful enough and hurts badly enough, the irrational belief logically is disputed and challenged, promoting behavioral change. When behavioral change results in positive outcomes, the experience has a positive effect that activates a far more reasonable belief. When emotion and reason work in tandem within our cognitive process, thinking and behavior continues along the path of producing the positive outcomes.

Once again, on our own, without God’s help, we are left to decide according to how we feel. Misaligned feelings betray rational thought, yet we still still trust them. When do we finally hurt badly enough that we have discernment to return to our senses before we enter into some kind of emotional hell?

“When he finally came to his senses, he said to himself, ‘At home, even the hired servants have food enough to spare, and here I am dying of hunger!'” Luke 15:17 (NLT—the story of the lost son)

Malnourished and hungry, we tend to feed on that which feels good and filling, but offers zero nutrition. We are deceived into believing that we are full. Our reality is that until we are fed in relationship with God, we will starve to death.

There is a path before each person that feels right, but it ends in death. Proverbs 16:25 (NLT)

We think we know better and, actually, we do know better. When what we believe aligns with what we value intellectually at our core, we can trust that. We ought to trust that. When life experiences fuel raw emotion that alters what we believe, and what we believe aligns more with what we feel instead of what we know, then rational values become distorted and beliefs irrational. To trust irrational beliefs is to react according to what we feel instead of responding reasonably to what we know at our core makes the most sense.

Ambivalence comes in measuring risk and reward; what we value most at our core versus what we are willing to settle for. It is a constant struggle between emotion-driven beliefs and trusting in what we know rationally makes the most sense. We will always be drawn one way or the other. Because we cannot remain in an ambivalent state, we will choose one way or the other; choosing to respond rationally according to what we know and understand logically makes the most sense, or we will give in emotionally to the deception that betrays what we value most, and settle for less than what we value most.

“Our addictive behavior runs counter to intellectual truth. There is a sorrow that the soul must go through in letting go of what it thought it loved. We have to come to the place where we truly get it that what God wants for us is GOOD.  To some degree, our resistance to His will reveals that we do not really believe it is good—at least not the kind of “good” we want.” —Fran Leeman

Natural to facing the challenge of what we may already recognize is missing in our life is confronting our ambivalence to change. We may want to change what we recognize has been destructive and painful, diminishing our quality of life. However, necessary change is also stressful. It might seem clear what needs fixing, but we find ourselves struggling to let go of the broken stuff. It’s like being caught in a burning building with nowhere to go, and when the fireman finds you to rescue you, you resist because you are clinging to the things in your life that are on fire; you know, things like disappointment, grief, shame, and resentment; hatred perhaps. The pursuit of the remedy for our discomfort—our unsettling discontent—feels easier while letting go feels hard to do.

Pride goes before destruction, arrogance and vanity before a fall. Proverbs 16:18 

Why stop something that feels good, even though the feel-good experience is temporary and inevitably increases discomfort until it hurts too much? What feels good is easier, until it isn’t.

“What are you building in your life that is of diminishing value? Pride will cause you to miss the warnings.” —Pastor Joaquin Pardo, New City Church

Time to get personal. When beliefs and core values are out of alignment, then so is emotion and reason. There is the truth in what you know to be best. And, there is the lie of giving in to how you feel when settling for less than what reasonably is best. You are attracted emotionally to both. You can trust in what you know, or be seduced by how you feel. When riding a bicycle, whatever your eyes focus on is the direction you steer your bike. In life, you are always pedaling. Lose focus when distracted and you will end up in the ditch, or worse, off the edge of the cliff.

Everything we do either draws us closer to what we want and value most, or drags us farther away from what we want and value most; every time, no exceptions.

While we know deep down what we want and value most for our lives, we are also aware of the challenges that come with the pursuit of what we value most. So, we find ourselves attracted to what looks good, tastes good, sounds good, and feels good. We might not understand right away that what we believe we want that is less challenging, is also risky and can be harmful, even damaging, so we settle for that which we find to be easier than this which we value more that may be more challenging.

Those who listen to instruction will prosper; those who trust the Lord will be joyful. The wise are known for their understanding. Proverbs 18:20-21 (NLT)

When giving up our intentions to the intentions of God in relationship with Him, He gives us the wisdom and discernment to filter what we feel emotionally through what we know and understand reasonably makes the most sense. This is one of truths that you might have to force yourself to give it a chance to become realized in your own experience. Pray for wisdom.

If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. But when you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind. Such people should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Their loyalty is divided between God and the world, and they are unstable in everything they do. James 1:5-8 (NLT)

The emotion-centered part of the brain believes, “I can have and enjoy it all,” irrespective of the risk of harm. The rational thinking part of the brain that would otherwise assess risk is neglected when emotion drives impulsive decisions that betray core values that should align with clear moral standards. There lies the division that defines ambivalence. to be undivided is to have the clarity of your core values that when acted upon consistently produce the opportunity to experience joy, even when the midst of hardship. Without divine wisdom, because we are instinctively selfish, we are incapable of that.

He has showered his kindness on us, along with all wisdom and understanding. Ephesians 1:8 (NLT)

Distressed by Discontent

The word ‘sad’ becomes amplified when referred to as sorrow. The word ‘guilt’ takes on a deeper tone when referred to as shame. The words ‘anxiety’ and ‘worry’ are made heavier when referred to as fear or, perhaps worse yet, when referred to as dread. The word ‘stress’ is escalated and intensified when referred to as distress. We may be burdened by the weight of stress, but when distressed the burden can be overwhelming and all out consuming.

“When you deny your brokenness, you delay your healing. When you hit rock bottom you see things more clearly. Your greatest victory will often come from your deepest wound.” —Pastor Steve Andres, New City Church

My sole purpose in delivering this gospel of deliverance, healing, redemption, and restoration is to share with you that the hope for better living is not only possible, but that it is closer than you think to being your reality. I believe that everything you read and experience throughout FREEdom from MEdom Project is from the heart of God. God has put it on my heart to deliver this good news of the pathway to freedom directly to you, today.

For the The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me. For the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor, to comfort the brokenhearted, and to proclaim that captives will be released and prisoners will be freed. He has sent me to tell those who mourn that the time of the Lord’s favor has come. Isaiah 61:1-2 (NLT)

The work I did with Mr. McCain (quoted earlier) was from inside the walls of prison. This message of deliverance and healing comes from the written Word of God. It is the good news, the gospel of redemption, recovery, and restoration from a broken heart. It is recovery from a discontented life.

We might feel we’re deserving and left out, or we might feel as though we will never deserve anything. Either way we are disappointed until discouraged that contentment will always be beyond our reach. Disappointment, discouragement, depression, despair… how low can you go? … so many are held hostage by discontentment.

The problem we all have in common is being discontent. What does not satisfy is disappointing and disappointment produces discomfort. Everything on the spectrum from the slightest physical discomfort to outright physical and emotional pain generates anxiety and stress.

“The very nature of joy makes nonsense of our common distinction between having and wanting… Unsatisfied desire is in itself more desirable than any other satisfaction.” —C.S. Lewis

Boredom comes from discontentment. It’s something few people consider when attempting to determine what’s missing. When identifying your core values, would you list self-interest and fun among them? How about pleasure, stimulation, and excitement? They are all contrary to the matter of boredom.

No one has ever desired to be an addict, whether it be to drugs, alcohol, or what is referred to as behavioral addictions: gambling addiction, sex addiction, relationship addiction, material addictions (i.e., money, possessions), addiction to power and control, addictions associated with eating disorders and self-harm, and so on. No one decides that they want to be so dependent on something that they are consumed by it.

“Expectation is at the root of all heartache.” —public domain

It all begins with being less than content; less than satisfied. No one truly desires for themselves to be consumed by disappointment, anxiety, anger, jealousy, injustice, resentment, shame (and guilt), failure, grief, loneliness, fear, and everything else related to loss that is entirely contrary to someone’s core values that when satisfied produces joy. Instead, we seek to remedy the discomfort of all the things opposite of our core values in order to feel better than… (fill in the blank).

Initially, as undesired experiences activate beliefs that require a remedy to alleviate discomfort, which may in fact work, the belief is reinforced. Maladaptive (inadequate, ineffective) thinking lingers and the subsequent behavior is repeated. Too much of what feels like a good thing proves to be harmful, contributing to the severity of all that aches and is unsettling. What feels satisfying ends up increasing and perpetuating dissatisfaction. Nobody wants that, so why do we all to some degree or another give in to the thing that makes the problem—the pain—worse?

Intellectually, we know better. Even in our ambivalence, we know better. But ambivalence—the internal opposition between things we seemingly want equally—is only possible because of our inclination to trust what we feel in the moment over what we know and understand reasonably makes the most sense.

When the areas of our brain that govern, according to emotion, are the ruling force in our decision-making process, we are forced into giving in to whatever craving responds to the temptation to satisfy what cannot be satisfied on our own accord. We desperately need a paradigm shift in how we consider solutions to this internal combustion chamber, commonly referred to by the neurobiology community as the emotional brain.

For you have seen my troubles, and you care about the anguish of my soul. Psalm 31:7 (NLT)

Resist, Regret, Repeat

Consider the choices you’ve made and those you will likely repeat. How have they, and do they, get you closer to to what you want and value most for your life? How do your decisions improve your quality of life? How does what you do impact the quality of living for those you love who are important to you? How does what you do (and say) make your life, and their life, better?

Take a few minutes to consider how you see yourself. Perhaps, write out a list. List both the positives and negatives that you would say is a reflection of how you see yourself. Your list will also reflect life experiences and your understanding of relationships. Some of you may have a healthy self-image and identify much more your positive attributes, while others come from experiences, which might include abuse, trauma, betrayal, rejection, and shame. But even then, when entirely honest, even those in pain can identify a some self-attributes that reflect some positive, virtuous qualities.

When contemplating the negative characteristics in how you see yourself, would you say negative identification comes from some place within you that drives emotion and feeling, or might you say it emanates from a place that is mindful, logical, and reasonable?

When pondering your positive attributes, do they emerge from a place driven by emotion and feeling, or would you say positive identification is motivated, even promoted, by mindful thought from a more reasonable, logical place in how you see yourself?

Typically, the good we see in ourselves comes from a logical place of knowledge and reason, and is therefore identified as reflecting the truth of who we are when entirely honest in our self-assessment. When seeing ourselves through the lens of suffering and pain, the ugly we see in ourselves has been impacted by our varying degrees of discomfort that typically results in a false sense of who we really are. When the lens of how we view ourselves is clouded by painful experiences, it is that emotional reaction to the pain that damages self-esteem, crushing whatever confidence we had. It is when our objective reality is betrayed by what we are feeling from the depths of distress, and possibly desperation, that our decision-making is directed by these emotional forces.

“What I trace this to is a certain selfishness on my part. I was so obsessed with me and the reasons I might be dissatisfied that I couldn’t focus on other people. The process of growing up is recognizing that it’s not all about me. When I find myself taking the wrong step, I think it’s because I’m trying to protect myself instead of trying to do God’s will.” —former US president, Barack Obama

It is not our natural inclination to love God or anyone else more than we love ourselves. In fact, by nature, we are not inclined to give. It is our nature to take. Our appetite is for control. To not be in control comes anxiety and discomfort. We learn to give. We learn to let go. This preoccupation with dissatisfaction is our self-centered nature referred to here as MEdom, which recognizes that it is about me to one degree or another. MEdom is our preoccupation with self, truly obsessed with a constant sense of dissatisfaction, requiring a tireless effort to remedy our struggle for the control we will never possess.

“The human spirit will not even begin to try to surrender self-will as long as all seems to be well with it. Now error and sin both have this property, that the deeper they run the less their victim suspects their existence; they are masked evil. Pain is unmasked, unmistakable evil; everyone knows that something is wrong when they’re being hurt.” —C.S. Lewis

What we do and say reflects beliefs that shape our values. What we believe about ourselves, our lives, and our connections to the world, are tethered to how we interpret life experiences. What someone else says, will affect us in such a way that we validate it as credible, simply because that someone said it. We are impacted by it emotionally, our own thought process influenced, for our good or bad, which then fuels decisions, that drives behavior, producing outcomes one way or the other.

We are held hostage under the spell of emotion, controlled by feelings, even when those feelings deftly defy what intellectually we know and understand reasonably to be most sensible. Reasonably-shaped values are then distorted, birthing beliefs that will prove to be irrational (unreasonable). Irrational beliefs provoke impulsive choices producing consequential behavior, followed up by discomfort, anxiety, and pain.

“When I let my feelings control what I do, I do lots of dumb things… My feelings need not control my decisions. My decisions need be what controls what I feel.” —Pastor Marty Sloan, Calvary Church

Most of what we don’t like about ourselves is driven by emotion. And when we are truly honest about the good in us, it tends to come from a more objective place promoted by knowledge, logic, and reason. But when you’re caught in the current of emotional impairment, trusting in feelings tends to betray reasonable thought. Emotionally wounded, you might not like yourself, which can lead to the suggestion from within that there is nothing good about you. Values get distorted and beliefs twisted once overrun by dominant feelings. It can be much harder to let go of painful experiences that are critical to your well-being. Paralyzed by disappointment, you can feel stuck, unable to move.

It is our nature to take. Giving is learned when modeled by other givers.

“It is not the inclination of our hearts to love God and other people… Everyone begins a relationship with God for selfish reasons. Everyone starts with selfish motives for getting to God.” —Steve Andres

Someone’s initial motive for needing God is typically self-preservation, or seeking help through divine intervention when all else has failed. Perhaps the motivation is life after death; eternal life… still, the prevailing need is self-preservation. While it is a criticism of the human plight, it just is.

Motivated by the discomfort of discontent due to misdirected and failed expectations, our lives have been hijacked by the entirety of our life experience, and the fallout is the normalization of our insecurities and fears, distressed and discouraged in this malaise of discontent. We are to some extent, always preoccupied and driven by our dissatisfaction, which is, by nature, selfish.

That which has taken hold will not let go. How do you let go of anything and everything that will not let go of you?

Burdened by a systemic pattern of failed expectations: betrayal, trauma, shame, contempt, loss, and fear, it is beyond necessary to let it go, even though it seems impossible. No matter how much you’ve tried to hold on and control what you cannot, to be be delivered from it, you have no other alternative but to let it all go. How about the rest of it: jealousy, resentment (unforgiveness), rejection, toxic relationships; even pride? Letting go is much more than a cliché, it is essential to renewal into something so transformative that it restores everything.

The objective

FREEdom from MEdom Project is an introduction to this message of good news related to recovery God’s way. This means addressing the problem of the human condition because we cannot help but trust what we feel more than what we know and understand reasonably makes the most sense. I will help to answer the question of why recovery is essential to living better; to examine irrational beliefs that entangle us and ultimately strangle us if we are unwilling to change.

What is the human condition?

Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death… For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and evil of every kind... But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and the fruit of good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere. James 1:14-15, 3:16-17 (NLT)

We are all, on some level, selfish. We always want more and better than what we have. We always want better… ALWAYS. Until our life and how we think and behave is perfect, and how we are affected by the thinking and behavior of everyone else is perfect, we will be discontent… dissatisfied… unfulfilled… ALWAYS. That is as true as gravity and breathing. As long as we can breathe and are held down, held back, and stuck, we will live disappointed. How we think, feel and all that we do will reflect that.

I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. Romans 7:14-25 (slightly modified, NLT)

Until we accept this into our understanding, we remain enslaved by and to self, consumed by self to please self, which is not possible due to the reality that we are imperfect people living among more imperfect people on a planet that is imperfect, because to the problem of the human condition. It is irrational—unreasonable—to believe or imagine that there is any other way through the human condition other than in relationship with Jesus.

I want to do what’s right, but I don’t. I want to do what’s good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what’s wrong, but I do it anyway. Who will free me from this life?

You might say this is the yin and the yang of the human condition. We are enslaved by the laws of self-centeredness… MEdom… addicted to self. There is no getting around it. The only way is going through it. And the only way through is in relationship with God in the person of Jesus Christ.

Turn to me and have mercy, for I am alone and in deep distress. My problems go from bad to worse. Oh, save me from them all! Feel my pain and see my trouble. Forgive all my sins. Psalms 25:16-18 (NLT)

If you agree with something you’ve heard or read it’s because you already knew it to be true. You’re more aware and alert when trusting in what you know, rather than trusting in what you feel. Ever heard the expression, think before you act, or react? When behavior is driven by rational thinking, it tends work out more favorably than a sudden, perhaps impulsive, emotional (and too often irrational) reaction to something.

“Emotions too often drive what we do. This is not God’s plan for any of us. Jesus said, “You shall know the truth and the truth will set you free.”” —Pastor Rich Wilkerson, Sr., Trinity Church

The truth is that our brains have been short-circuited by the problem of the fallen nature of all of us to be selfish. There is a scientific reality concerning the human brain that dictates—even predetermines—our thinking, feelings, beliefs, and behavior. So, in the context of our nature to be self-centered, we model what we experience growing up, conditioning our emotional sensibilities, shaping our values and beliefs, and influencing how our brains think and process information, which then directs how we behave.

How long have you been in need of healing for something physical or psychological? How long have you been carrying a distressing burden that has caused you hardship? What kind of condition are you in? Can you move or are you feeling stuck? Has anyone asked you if you need help? Has anyone asked if you want help? Have you ever turned anyone down that expressed a desire to help you from the resources they may possess specifically to support what you need?

Jesus tells us, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me.” John 14:6 (NLT)

FREEdom from MEdom Project is all about helping you to believe fully in the One whose love for you is unyielding and relentless, calling you into repentance, bathed in mercy, renewing your mind with a willing spirit, and restoring you into the rest, peace, and joy of best right living. Seriously the compassion and generosity of your deliverer, healer, provider, advocate… your Savior and friend.

I am Steven. I work as a professional counselor, certified in addiction recovery. FREEdom from MEdom Project is my journey into what I believe to be authentic recovery. You’ll find me to be transparent in what I have written throughout this site. I need to live out my own recovery God’s way, in the way that Jesus lived his life on earth. I need to trust God each day in those vulnerable places where I tend to struggle. I want to be and do better in this life so I write about recovery from those places in my life that continue to need mending.

I write about the need to pray but prayer does not come easy to me.

“I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!” Mark 9:24 (NLT)

That is often the backdrop when it comes to my prayer life. Should you continue this FREEdom from MEdom journey, and read about prayer, you may have questions about how to pray. You may have doubt and lack confidence. Me too. I never doubt what God can do. I will admit, however, that I tend to have doubt about what God will do. I need to trust more that God loves me.

Since we have a great High Priest who has entered heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to what we believe. This High Priest of ours understands (sympathizes with) our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings (temptations and challenges) we do, yet he did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most. Hebrews 4:15-16 (NLT)

Something incredibly profound is something written by an icon of the New Testament, the Apostle Paul who wrote about this challenge regarding prayer.

In the same way, the Holy Spirit helps us where we are weak. We do not know how to pray or what we should pray for, but the Holy Spirit prays to God for us with sounds that cannot be put into words. God knows the hearts of men. He knows what the Holy Spirit is thinking. The Holy Spirit prays for those who belong to Christ the way God wants Him to pray. Romans 8:26-27 (NLV)

Sometimes, the only words are these: “God, I give up. Please, help me,” or just, “Jesus, help me.” If that’s it, then that’s it. It’s a start. But don’t be surprised when he does. You might even experience something in the moment.

Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. Ephesians 3:20 (NLT)

Look up and see that God is good and will not disappoint you. See yourself through the lens as God sees you and then dare to expect God’s kind and generous favor. And as you experience that something special, however it happens, soak yourself in it.

“Without the guidance this program gave me, who knows where I would be today. Today, I am happily living out my life. This program laid a foundation that I neglected to build growing up. It gave me real direction and the resources to make clean decisions. My life is in no way perfect. Life still has its problems, but I now can rationally work my way through them.” —Edward Stermin

Please continue on to discover the truth behind these questions by clicking on, B: Believe in a higher power—God—to repair what is broken in me, and restore my life to stability and sustainability.